A PRAYER TO SEE + BE SEEN

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“An exploration of mental illness as an invitation to radical self-discovery instead of a disease with no cure.” it means the world to me to be able to share this documentary film, CRAZYWISE, that has helped me so much on my own mental health journey– and to do two events, starting tomorrow, world mental health day– with the wholehearted support of art house astoria and astoria presbyterian church– based expressly around creative reframing for mental health & mental illness, the ways we can take our journeys back into our own hands. please join us & RSVP on eventbrite: tinyurl.com/creativereframingnyc. i’m grateful for my life and for the opportunity to speak on these literally life-changing and life-saving topics, with humans whose work and being i truly admire.

A PRAYER TO SEE & BE SEEN:
Creative Reframing for Mental Health & Wellbeing
a 2-part event featuring CRAZYWISE screening, discussion & experiential resource-sharing

World Mental Health Day is a day for global mental health education, awareness and advocacy against social stigma. During this week, we gather together in an effort to SEE & BE SEEN– to build community, share resources, and dive into alternative methods of exploring mental health and mental illness– recontextualizing it as an invitation to radical self-discovery instead of a disease with no cure.

Thursday, October 10 – 6:30-8:30pm
CRAZYWISE – documentary screening

We will screen the 2017 documentary CRAZYWISE, with time for opening/closing exercises and post-film reflections.

SHORT SYNOPSIS:
Crazy… or wise? The traditional wisdom of indigenous cultures often contradicts modern views about a mental health crisis. Is it a ‘calling’ to grow or just a ‘broken brain’? The documentary CRAZYWISE explores what can be learned from people around the world who have turned their psychological crisis into a positive transformative experience.

WATCH TRAILER / FULL SYNOPSIS: https://crazywisefilm.com/

Saturday, October 12 – 5-7pm
Experiential resource sharing with presentations/activities & discussion

Building on the theme established by CRAZYWISE– what are our options and resources for creatively reframing mental illness and founding a progressive new relationship with our inner selves? We explore and experience with several members of the community sharing their approaches, including healing practices and traditions, floatation therapy, mindfulness, storytelling and “living your legend,” with time for group discussion and activities.

FEATURING:
Satya Celeste of SacredWaters
Rebecca Gitana Torres of Healing Through The Home
Alex Tatis of Refined Inner Being LLC
Sydney Projekthandmade of innerNest
Representatives from Mindful Astoria
Audrey Dimola, ‘THE BOOK OF LEGEND’
Aldo Cano Trevino of Mental Health First Aid

FREE EVENTS – ALL ARE WELCOME
LIMITED SEATING AVAILABLE, PLEASE RSVP
http://tinyurl.com/creativereframingnyc

!!! SPREAD THE WORD + SHARE !!!
Hosted & curated by Audrey Dimola
Part of World Mental Health Day 2019 at Art House Astoria Conservatory For Music and Art, in partnership with Astoria Presbyterian Church

paths in the pathless wilderness: mental health advocacy

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“i write today because i am still alive. i write today from inside, outside, and on the other side of the underworld. i write because, in legend— the hero always returns with the story. and in the hero’s journey, in fact— this is the very purpose. i write today because legend saved my life in a way that nothing else could— not a diagnosis, not modern medicine, not the concern of loved ones or colleagues, not any traditional path that i was prescribed…”

in recent years i have come to realize and internalize that the best way to tell my story– or any story, for that matter– is to speak it plainly.

i marvel at where this website began, over 10 years ago– a place to house my work as a young arts journalist, which in many ways avoided inclusion of what was deeply and actually going on with me— that gradually grew into this space of radical honesty, performance, curation, and experimentation across many genres. it is in this moment that i type here and reflect– a few short weeks to my 33rd birthday– so grateful for the hard-won heartwork and legend i have come to accept as my own.

‘for this i was born, and for this i have come into the world, to bear witness to the truth.’ -john 18:37.

after writing and self-publishing my third book, WILDLIGHT, creating my first alchemical theatre work, PROVENANCE, and being increasingly candid in person and on the internet (especially on instagram) of the places my journey was taking me– i have come to This Point. the point at which i encapsulate the stories and philosophies and lessons that have saved my life.

‘IF YOU BRING FORTH THAT WHICH IS WITHIN YOU,
THEN THAT WHICH IS WITHIN YOU
WILL BE YOUR SALVATION.
IF YOU DO NOT BRING FORTH
THAT WHICH IS WITHIN YOU
THEN THAT WHICH IS WITHIN YOU
WILL DESTROY YOU.’ –the gnostic gospels.

i added a MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCACY page to my website this morning– even though this journey is not JUST about mental illness, or meant for those who are suffering with the same– mental illness and mental health are inherently about the journey to reclaim your life and the state of your soul, from all those other destructive and un-true stories that do not belong to you. in the greater, greatest scheme– we are being called to a new realityone we create with our own hearts, our own hands, our own imaginations– free-dreaming and manifesting in tandem with the creator force energy that shaped our world.

i am currently working on a new book and performance/workshop series seeking to explore these spaces in ways i began with PROVENANCE, WILDLIGHT, and my ‘widening circle’ open mic/open share gatherings, but now– further. it is the merging of poetry, prose, story, ritual, improvisation, spirit work, and sacred/safe space facilitation– and it begins. HERE.

‘one thing is certain. the search for this savior calls for a pathfinder. someone who is capable of finding paths in the pathless wilderness, and who will shrink from no danger and hardship. in other words– a HERO.’ –michael ende, ‘the neverending story.’

AN EXCERPT– from what is forthcoming—

the stories are not just things i choose to write— now i am living them, experiencing them, inside them. it is reality that i define— and that no one defines for me. and the more i feel into it, explore it, believe it, trust it— the more i see the truth of where stories, where meaning itself, emanated from— in the first place. this is the place of legend. this is the hero’s journey, in real time. this is the odyssey, the great quest, the incredible journey— it is in your life, right here, right now.

i do not come to make a map for you, to plot the course for you— you and only you alone can do this. my guides will not be your guides, my legend will not be your legend. but it is my hope in sharing where i have been, what i have been through— that a potentiality for yours will burst open or begin to blossom.

if it is a choice between— having solely the options you are being presented with— and alternatively, the options that you and only you can write, create, and describe— what do you wish for? power stripped or power reclaimed? darkness traversed or darkness feared? a broken mind that needs to be fixed— or a teeming landscape of lesson and legend that you can bravely quest and explore?

this is not for the faint of heart. this is not easy. this is not clean. this is not without struggle. without blood. without nearing the edges of existence, the edges of death.

but in my heart, and in my opinion— if we all heave a last breath anyway, and either way— why not fill your living lungs with the breath of adventure, and leave a story behind along the way?

why not begin a quest to exalt and reclaim and rediscover the most wonder-full and worthy hero there is… yourself?

[read the full piece here]

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much more to come. i feel, i know–

for the pathless wilds

for the unfathomable

and the holy unknown,

XO

a.

in praise.

this came through, today:

i am unafraid of that which is my destiny.

i walk, lamp in hand, proudly, infinity symbol emanating from my chest. down these hallways, glistening white, columns and arches, to the places in the chambers of our heart that are not chambers at all.

what could we do if we understood our infinity?

what could we create?

there is no fall.

we were always barefoot in the garden, i know, i feel this when my feet touch grass and i understand. they ask me to write what i know is true, what do i know is true?

mental illness is an illusion.
duality is an illusion.
every spirit is called to initiation that which cannot be cured by doctors visits or prescriptions or suicide. we are here in this incarnation to commune with divinity, as divinity. to return. to place our offering, our brick in the foundation, our fire on the altar. this, as they say, the new city, the new kingdom, rising from the heart of the garden, the garden that is now not just a teeming protected paradise but BOUNDLESS, stretching on all sides, not just oasis but pervasive land of knowledge, justice, divinity, infinitude, love, truth.
love is the highest law, there is no other.
we must learn from teachings, from elders, traditions, but the greatest religion is that which we hold truest to our sacred hearts.
what sets you aflame, what do you understand in the core of you that is immutable? that is what you must dedicate your life to. that is what you will be drawn in return to, over and over and over.
we must look out for each other. we must care for each other. we must not compete. we must commune, share, understand.
as the world becomes increasingly isolated we must make our bodies and spirits the bridge.
we must never stop learning, seeking, but also in conjunction to actualize- to realize what is already there. the alchemical gold had to exist to be transformed, it can function in no other way.
there are many tools and many doors but the one true door is in your heart. the immutable Law, the Instinct, the Animal Soul, the divine archetypal protectors and the New Archetypes we form in the architecture of our spirit.
we learn so that we can cast out further into the truth. not to collapse under the weight or shadow of the masters, YOU ARE MASTER, hear this, YOU ARE MASTER. you take from humanity when you relegate yourself to smallness, smaller than your expansiveness, your infinite inherent worth.
use the tools, use the doors, but do not depend upon them solely- BELIEVE it is in your birthright to commune with divine energies, guides, messengers, spirits, and to recognize and accept your place AMONG THEM not prostrated before them.
interdependent co-arising we say once again, all is co-created every moment, in the spirit, it is not prostration to the altar, you are the altar, tend the fire, realize we are all architects and the time is forever and ever Now.

i wake these hallways as i have done time after time, life after life, aspects and self and whole and integrated. all the resonances you have ever felt can attest to this, it is all one great picture divined by eternal fate, eternal faith.
have FAITH in what you are, brothers and sisters, children, gods and goddesses, messengers, warriors. we are here to guide each other not just to be guided. we are here to strike foundations not just to help build.
every book you take off the shelf echoes inside you, every leaf turned is a veil ecstatically moved aside between chambers in your heart- so to enjoin, so to resolve, so to integrate. in this Kingdom, our Kingdom. everything that you are drawn to is already a part of you, you are not moving towards it, it is moving towards you, you are already standing together, you already have been.

realize that you can take these journeys- without aids, without complicated circumstance, that you can commune in your very home space, in your very moment, in your very joy or sorrow or frustration- these walls are not walls, these doors are not even doors. bursted, out, infinite, expanded.

we will come again and again to you, link and share with us, these teachings are yours as they are ours. we will write the legend of the New Kingdom, together. we will speak plainly. we will heal the people. we will heal ourselves. this is in our destiny to do, in your destiny to do, your personal legend, your truth.

do not slink from your destiny. the call will become louder and louder, old false kingdoms will fall but only so you can realize you are already standing in the New.

many of our brothers and sisters are articulating the call, bless them, bless yourself, continue to share.

we are not from On High to give to you, do not prostrate before us, do not cling to old legends and old truths.
we are beside you co-creating in the infinite present. you are walking with us in the glittering hallway, bursting out with excitement and joy to share, to shine the lamplight in your chest, to return to the people the wisdom that THEY have written, that belongs to THEM, in the kingdom and infinite brotherhood of man, to stand at the podium between columns and arches as you have seen before, this is your birthright, to plunge the depths.
the words are not enough, messenger goddess child, the words are not enough, any who read this. you HAVE been called to be the living word, to make your life the liturgy of the New Kingdom, through every manifestation, every person your hands touch, every heart your heart opens to, heal them, heal you, step into the abyss of the unknown and WALK THE BRIDGE. you have done this, you remember. it is why you love your bridge so much. it is why the worlds feel so fluid, because they are.
you walked out into the Nothing and made it Path. you walked out into the sky and made it Bridge. you remember.
this is what you do in this incarnation, not to long for old incarnations, but to MERGE WITH THEM non dualistically, as ALL SELVES at once, ALL FREEDOMS ignited and enacted.

we are so proud of you, wilderness tabernacle to the truth, righteous fire on the altar to the divinitude of man and woman, animal self reclaimed with exploration and wildness, nature echoing back in protection, teach others to See by Seeing. teach others to Understand by Understanding. lead others to Walk by Walking. but walk Beside them and not in Front. walk With them as i walk With you. and we shall see these coming days already in fruition, in every righteous action resolving inaction, in every fiery force of Love dissolving fear.

we love you as you love yourself as you love us as you love the world as you love the flickering lamp in your hands, you were born with.

go forth, beloved. go forth and stand in the kingdom. you do not even have to build. you are already there.

i came to Live the New Kingdom. with Love.

{{thank you for the opportunity to share}}

aho and ashe

more light & more life

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thanks to my incredible, lionhearted 9th grade english teacher at LIC high school, my latest book WILDLIGHT is being read & responded to in her classroom.. unreal

hello out there my beauties,

i’m going to hit you with a bunch of wild & wonderful things…

** 2018 SEASON OF FREE PUBLIC PROGRAMS BEGINS AT SOCRATES SCULPTURE PARK THIS WEEKEND

check it all out: http://socratessculpturepark.org/programs/all/

this weekend kicks off what every weekend will look like through mid-sept:

SATURDAY- yoga @ 9:30 & 11am
saturday sculpture workshop- art-making workshop with a different artist each week, drop-in anytime from 12-3pm
mini-market with vendors like hellgate farm & little wildbranch bakery 11am-4pm

SUNDAY- yoga @ 10am
tai chi @ 11am

and that’s in addition to a FULL SEASON of music, international film, art-making, festivals, cultural performances, dance & more, everything from our new festival QUEENS GREEN DAY on june 2 to the metropolitan opera and ballet folklorico mexicano’s guelaguetza festival.. please come out & see us!

** MY NEW BOOK ‘WILDLIGHT’

“three years of blood, sweat, fire, heart, and LIVING have gone into this book, plunging into the wildernesses of love, spirituality, addiction, sex, shamanism, mental health struggles, self-love, and rebirth.”

my latest book of poetry & prose, ‘WILDLIGHT’ has now been out for almost 2 months and i am forever grateful and incredulous that this thing exists in the world…

if you’d like a copy or to learn more: https://audreydimola.com/books/wildlight/

** SHARING THE JOURNEY ON PODCASTS!

i was recently featured on three amazing podcasts..

* NYC Geek Society’s NYC Geek Podcast #3 (Poetry & Discussion)

Audrey Dimola comes in to discuss her book “Wildlight: Poetry and Prose From Inside the Fire”. Jon reads an excerpt from the book, which is a catalyst to a discussion about the metaphysical / physical realms, heartbreak, travel, and philosophy.

* ME2RADIOZONE mental health podcast with alex tatis & keys will

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE #AWARENESSISEMPATHY here

May is Mental Health Awareness month and Alex and Keys had the dopest experience with mental health advocate Audrey Dimola! Audrey, a Queens native, is a powerhouse and a constant stand for the mental health community in addition to being a self published author. Shit gets real when Audrey takes it there with a powerful, authentic piece from her new book “Wildlight”. Follow us on IG and FB @Me2RadioZone to see what your mental health crusaders are up. Join the movement!

* IT’S IN QUEENS podcast with rob mackay & chris donovan

This week Rob and Chris welcome writer, poet, performer, singer and of course Director of Public Programs at Socrates Sculpture Park in Long Island City, Audrey Dimola. They talk about the multitude of programs coming to Socrates Sculpture Park including movie nights, art installations, yoga, tai chi, farmers market and more. The crew touches on some events happening in Queens this week including a ragtime tribute concert at St.Michael’s in East Elmhurst, a ton of activities in Long Island City including the Wizard of Oz and painted canoes, two Queens Symphony Orchestra performances, the folks at King Manor kicking it old school and bringing it new school as well, a Flushing Town Hall global mash up and finish up with some more information on Audrey. She is a published author and her latest book of poetry and prose is called Wildlight. Available through her website and coming to an independent bookstore near you.

** IT’S MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH & SO EXCITED TO SHARE THESE UPCOMING EVENTS/OPPORTUNITIES…

* IN QUEENS: HEALTHY FAMILIES DAY OF WELLNESS

i recently connected with the wonderful nicole, outreach coordinator for department of health and mental hygiene’s THRIVE NYC program and she is helping to organize this- bringing families together for mental health education and resources in Western Queens!

* IN NYC: A CELEBRATION OF DANGEROUS GIFTS

i also recently connected with the incredible sascha who is one of the founders of the radical mental health group ICARUS NYC who is organizing with/through/as ‘the institute for the development of human arts’ an event called A CELEBRATION OF DANGEROUS GIFTS in june…

So many of the things labeled “mental disorders” have lessons to teach and power to give if we learn how to harness them. We have found this much easier to do in community.

The Institute for the Development of Human Arts (IDHA) invites you to a day of community, art, music, spoken word, global report backs from the culture shift front and celebration of madness and creativity.

We understand that it is time for a new paradigm in mental health: one that affirms self-determination and healing, that accounts for the complexity of personal, social, and collective traumas and oppression, that opens up our narrow definition of “normal” for the full range of human experience, and allows us to look beyond medicalized and disease-centered thinking to offer regenerative, holistic, and transformative practices.

this is a HUGELY important effort for all of us- re-contextualizing and re-engaging with the idea of mental illness in a revolutionary way (closer to awakenings and gifts than illnesses we need to be cured of)… did i mention y’all should watch the film ‘CRAZYWISE‘??

thank you all for being a part of my journey. it has been an even wilder one for the past few months but i feel a vital breath in my lungs howling-

MORE. LIFE.

all my love,

XO

a.

WILDLIGHT LIVES.

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HOW TO BUY:

WILDLIGHT is available for purchase directly from the author via PayPal, for $18.00.

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Please note you do not need to have a PayPal account- simply choose “Pay with Debit or Credit Card” to check out as a Guest.

If you would like to use another payment method- feel free! You can send $18 via Venmo to audrey.dimola@gmail.com, or contact me for other options.

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the fact that this book exists means that there is triumph of the holy wild spirit over heartache, darkness, ruin, illness and dis-ease, lack of self-worth, addiction, depression, sorrow, death.

i cannot describe how proud i am of this piece of my heart, blood, and bones.

3 years, 258 pages.

i proudly present my third book of poetry and prose, WILDLIGHT.

available for you. NOW.

///

WILDLIGHT: POETRY & PROSE FROM INSIDE THE FIRE

MARCH 20, 2018 – SPRING EQUINOX

[MORE INFO ABOUT THE BOOK]

three years of blood, sweat, fire, heart, and LIVING have gone into this collection, plunging into the wildernesses of love, spirituality, addiction, sex, shamanism, mental health struggles, self-love, and rebirth.

///

“to all those
who reclaim their
spirits from darkness-
who resolve to protect
the body as an altar,
and keep the fire safe-
know there is an energy of
resilience that unites us all.
we may have to fight everyday-
but we never fight alone.

this is a book about reclamation.

about staying close to the fire. trusting in your wildlight.

it is a book about struggles with honesty, with identity. about all-consuming loves- passion, destruction, regeneration. about leaving and returning. about lack of self-love and self-worth. about mental illness and addictions. about the indomitable power of the human spirit. about reasons to live. about what happens when you break away from the life you thought you wanted- to walk into the wild. to be taught in ways only the universe can truly teach you- with blood, with sweat. with grief, and wonder. with fire. with heart.

it is a book about trying and trying and trying again…”

crack the spine of this book and the author will know it. this is an alchemical document- rubbed with earth, singed with flame. found curled inside the inmost core of an animal, fanged and feathered. each word a bone picked from an endless desert, blessed with tears and triumph from the road. “WILDLIGHT” was written from 2015 to 2017 by a shamanic poet and journeywoman who is most often likened to wildfire or supernova- this third collection of poetry and prose an act of sacred invocation that will keep howling at you even when its pages are closed.

THE POET IS UNAFRAID TO BECOME FULL WILDERNESS.

///

NYC PERFORMANCE & RELEASE PARTY:

March 24, 2018 3-5pm at Q.E.D.: A Place to Show & Tell in Astoria [Facebook]

more upcoming SHOWS

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READ SELECT PIECES FROM “WILDLIGHT”:
+ lazarus was a house on fire (WOMAN)
+ reliquary: the body
+ blue sky
+ peter (i want to be real)
+ studies in reaching
+ somewhere else
+ two wolves

THE JOURNEY ON INSTAGRAM: #wildlightbyajd

VIDEO FROM THE DAY I RELEASED THE BOOK:

XO with ecstatic love and FIREFIREFIRE,

a.

speak plainly

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tonight i truly felt my feet planted firmly on the ground, with my channel open to the stars. rooted and yet stretched to the infinite.

this morning i felt called to just speak. speak plainly. so often, especially as poets, we get in our own way, spin complex metaphors, sometimes hieroglyphic layers of meaning.. when do we just deliver the message- where we are, as we are?

this is what i spoke tonight at my new friend yuko’s fantastic FREEDOM show.. after which i have been vibing with beautiful and talented people i am so grateful to have in my life, new friends i am grateful to have met. and dancing around my apartment to steely dan at 2am. (yup)

***

FREEDOM is one of the divine’s broadest and farthest-reaching gesticulations in our universe.

it is an energy that- once you tap into- makes anything possible.

i personally have time after time fallen prey to the idea that once you identify and claim the precious and wild idea of FREEDOM… BANG! it’s done. you get it, and you’re free. forever.

doesn’t totally work that way.

the beautiful thing about freedom is that it finds you.

this is not about being positive, free, and triumphant forever, from the moment you claim it to the rest of your life. it’s about the reality that nothing is linear and “solvable” in that way.

freedom is really about honesty with yourself for where you actually are. and that’s why freedom is so powerful. it can find you in the darkness. at the end of your rope. inside a jail cell. in recovery. with the knife in your hand. on top of a bridge. in therapy. laying next to you in your own grave.

it’s not about being consumed with shame and fear and loathing for ending up there, for not “staying free.”

it’s about meeting yourself where you actually are and realizing that true freedom is the voice that whispers to you- get up. don’t jump. stay awhile. love yourself.

and focusing your gratitude and energy on that regenerative spirit is what will really keep you free.

**

i believe we are all messengers, shamans, teachers, healers.

the freedom in being yourself, being honest with yourself, is a direct conduit to the divine. the soul of the universe.

i say to the lightworkers, the lightbringers, which we all are- don’t get caught up in only bringing light, and the shame and disillusionment when you don’t, or can’t. the world needs your warrior songs, your songs of struggle, your trials by fire, too.

that is your real duty.

stand as you are. speak as you are. and bring it to the world.

***

and then i read this [brand new poem] written on xmas wkend before i slipped into some heavy, heavy darkness.

thankfully- i slipped back OUT from that paradigm like a bad, bad dream. and here we are. a few short days from the new year. .. still listening to steely dan.

You call me a fool
You say it’s a crazy scheme
This one’s for real
I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I’ll make it this time
I’m ready to cross that fine line

[…]

This is the night of the expanding man
I take one last drag
As I approach the stand
I cried when I wrote this song
Sue me if I play too long
This brother is free
I’ll be what I want to be

#hello2018

XO

a.

test

[things coming soon // including CHURCH OF THE SACRED BODY]

we only heal in spirals

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touch my mouth with your hands
touch my mouth with your hands
oh i want to understand
the meaning of your embrace
i know now i have to face, the temptations of my past
please don’t let me disgrace
where my devotion lays
now that i know the truth, now that it’s no excuse
keeping me from your love, what was i thinking of?
holding me from your love, what was i thinking of?

thank you lauryn. you are brilliant.

///

my words. #fromtoday.

sister fire spoke to me
she said put the antler back around your neck
know that there is a purpose in all you do
you get lost to get found you get lost to get found, girl
to show you yourself over and over that you can.
that you can.
sitting here with flickering flames in cups
salt lamp emanating radiance my hands
to your mouth put your hands to my mouth
let me remember how to pray
let me honor my own radiance
let me remember how to pray
there is darkness darkness only dark
down well-worn paths in my cognitive loops
i say pull the axe from the thornbush righteous one
i say cut i say cut a new way
you were not meant to die in darkness, my love
you were not meant to die right here
i know you want to lay until the vines steal your breath
take you back to where you came from heal the heart
returned to earth but i say i say my child
you must believe that the righteousness of the warrior
is inside your very being
i say go on you don’t need your eyes your hands
you do not need your feet or legs
you need the whole body burning spirit
led by your heart
my girl i say pick up the axe my love
and cut that new way
cut that new new new way
do not be disillusioned, heartbroken from
finding your way back here
she sings he’s just like water
she’s just like water
you are her she is him
sanctified these candle flames
in cups this salt rock glow on my lips
bid me to speak my love
let me remember how to live
stuck in the vines my girl
curled in the vines my girl
you have to get up
you have to get up
not wait for the light
cut a hole to the light
not wait for the light
cut a hole to the light
come on.
come on and on and on
crumpling days of protection
solar plexus you forget your
intention to grab your
bunches of feathers
jump that cliff and
commit to soar
the vines are growing around you, girl
the vines are stealing your breath, girl
what will you do?
what will you do?
do not be disillusioned by ending up here again
the candle flames in cups the salt rock lamp
we always heal in spirals
it’s the only way to find our way back
we always heal in spirals
it’s the only way to find our way back
do not be angry at your constitution
at your weakness at your ache
another man almost stole the life of you
but the bone in your backbone is back
not stiff but fluid not braced for impact but
impactful, my love
the only thing you can collapse into
is gentleness
is gentleness
is love
touch my mouth with your hands
my mother father goddess
touch my mouth with your hands
let me speak these words i
fought my way here to say
i will not die buried in the vines
i will not die buried in the vines
i will cut my own way.
someone once said
there is a way to die a
spiritual death
there is a way to
remember your lips
pressed
to the holiness
of a creator that
loves you
that you can finally
feel
because you finally
love yourself back
take yourself back
my girl my heart
be gentle if it seems like
it’s perpetually
on the mend
give it some time
you always fighting fires
making fires
spreading fires
keep the warmth
remember that the
next fire your spirit wants to feel is
the sun on your skin
on the other side of this
tunnel of black dark
my love
we can only heal in spirals
it’s the only way we can
find our way back.
i can only heal in spirals
it’s the only way i was able to
find my way back.

///

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“see fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.. and i just retired from the fantasy part.”

///

“at that point, i had to do some dying.”

“artists do fall apart,” a record executive says. “the most commonly held falsity in the game is that they have it all together. they fall apart. […] they all have a moment where you go, ‘are they really all there?’ and i think lauryn chose to expose that to the world.”

bless up, queen.

bless up, brothers & sisters.

XO

a.

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