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audrey di mola – folkloric futurism

wilds of the deep heart // adventures in weaving earth, body, story + spirit

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i release you because i love you

i release you because i love you

new year’s day, 2022. <3

bless bless bless bless. up. (and down ;))

XO

a.

Author audrey di molaPosted on January 1, 2022January 1, 2022Categories UpdateTags channeling, dance, earth body, east river waterfront, healing, hello 2022, holding paradox, into the mythic, listening, mandorla, mother cove, movement, new years day, noticing, release, water stories, wild body dreamingLeave a comment on i release you because i love you

“teach others to See by Seeing.

teach others to Understand by Understanding.

lead others to Walk by Walking.

but walk Beside them and not in Front.

walk With them as i walk With you.

and we shall see these coming days already in fruition,

in every righteous action resolving inaction,

in every fiery force of Love dissolving fear.”

— THE BOOK OF LEGEND, 2019.

SEEK + YOU SHALL FIND

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PUBLICATIONS

Decisions We Make While We Dream (2012)

TRAVERSALS (2014)

WILDLIGHT (2018)

THE BOOK OF LEGEND (2019)

INSTAGRAM ADVENTURES

maybe i'm tired of running into all the layers and layers and layers of past versions of myself, Here.

october first ✨ this whole post got deleted + i didn't save the txt; insert something moody here abt rumbles from the deep, tangled sheets, Curiosity, Home. // and maybe that's The Thing of it, or maybe it just Happened; the 'angel of gaza' filmmaker yesterday said he lost the entire movie to a fire, but it allowed him to reshoot the whole thing with the Daughter at the center instead. // this is My daughter's month. // what stands at the Center, what do we Hold at the center? hm .. 🍂 i'll be Home soon, and i'm wondering how i Know what that is. 🌬️

this is the largest white healing feather i have ever received. almost like it came from The Angel itself.

1 year ago today i flew home from england. // i remember leaving in the dark's dark from staines-on-thames. i remember feeling it was the Loneliest morning. so the opposite, Now, from This One, filled with light. i had added in a buffer zone, so as not to fly immediately after leaving you in manchester; i still remember the long cab ride through london from the train station to the airbnb, the driver i told about our adventures-- i'll see it in a magazine, Someday, he said. Everyone was taken with our story. how could they not be? fly across an ocean to meet someone you had fallen madly in love with, without ever touching them. without knowing what they felt like, breathed like. just stories. just energy. just poems. just Words and Words and Words. // we haven't spoken in months, to the benefit of both of our healing, or evolution, or just the general chop wood-carry water of Staying Alive through tremendous + sudden heartbreak. // Thank You for all we made together. Thank You for all we gave up, and all we have recovered. Thank You, for the Unthinkable, in its Beauty + Brutality. // i am so glad i went. i am so glad to know it couldn't have happened Any Other Way. #1yearlater #odinsday #thewildatlanticway

i am not the things my family did

i am with my black wolf. curled against him in a slightly-too-small bed inside turtle woman's shell-hut. she is weaving, or painting, or singing lightly in a darkened corner out of my view. there is a soup brewing over a low fire. there are drippy old candles casting warm light everywhere. dusty books with golden spines, wooden shelves, dried flowers spilling from earthwork vases. we are held fast in a patchwork blanket; i remember i pulled this phrase from @aflockofsandwiches' vessel some weeks ago when we gathered the last time for writing, for story. there is bitter chocolate and juicy pear and buttered bread in my belly, churning. i am Lonelier than i thought i was. it comes out in my eating habits, my cyclical thoughts, my worries about Future, about resource. i remember We said, not another winter; a few steps into fall, What Does That Mean? she tells me and i hinge on her sense-making, Ordering-- so many planets are retrograde, it is a time of Review + Confusion. i ask to no one, can i Hold, Here-- trust the decisions i'm making, follow them Through? rolling through my spine, breathe into the spaces, press into his undulating dark fur in the wildlight. body against, heart against, Familiar. something that feels Familiar. to find it In The Body, again. Yes.. 🖤🔥🐺✨

'...only then will i live bigger than in my childhood, i will be as brutal and misshapen as a rock, i will be as light and vague as something felt and not understood, i will surpass myself in waves, ah, Lord, and may everything come and fall upon me, even the incomprehension of myself at certain white moments because all i have to do is comply with myself and then nothing will block my path until death-without-fear, from any struggle or rest i will rise up as strong and beautiful as a young horse.'

it's a month shy of a year since i set foot in this place.. i love this notebook they leave here under the bench to catch the thoughts + feels of strangers. i love having followed the white wolf. i love that i am Here, Still. i love that i am healed + Healing. i love. I Love. 💜🐝 // @navalcemeterylandscape 🌾

feels like My Whole Life has been inside This meadow. i haven't stood in it, physically, in years. but through somatic experiencing work + therapy last yr + onwards, it Surfaced.

there's So Much Of Life that happens in between the moments. the things i have no fotos for. the Utter Joyousness i felt last night to be back in a place that was Home for so many years. to have all the stress + complication + past pain just fall away-- to be with people i truly love, to see my old boss again 🙏🙏🙏💕, to see my spirit animal The Legend di suvero again 😍🌟🌟🌟, to slayyyy + be ridiculous all night✨, to dance with a teacup in my hand (and with @bfmny no less!🌺), to Take Up Space With My Joy, to invite myself to a party i wasn't invited to 🙃😅💌✔️, to make introductions to some of the most creative bada$$ ladies in queens (like @scadiz747 @tarasansone @sheilalewandowski 😘), to take care of each other, to die laughing abt Everything including somehow being perfectly positioned to Immediately receive Every dessert that came out of the catering area lmfao 🍪🍰🍨... it takes bravery to Be Yourself, to give yourself what you want + feel you deserve, irregardless of what anyone else thinks or says. thank you @chrisbisram_ + @nafis_storyteller for doing that with me last night. #oneforthebooks 🏆 i love you both so much 🥰🤘💣🥳🌈🔥 #queenskids4ever ‼️

i am living into what were my last days in england, last year, my last days with you in the flesh. we had no idea how hard october would be, and we had no idea i'd be ending our partnership in november.

...i'm walking on the side of the road now, to go and pick up my horse in the town where they lit the fires on top of the mountains, beacons, beacons, beacons; a black dog burst through the door of my room with the linen of ganesh over plate-glass window, the black dog curled right next to my head and i didn't even know what kind of animal it was or if i was asleep or awake but there was Joy, There, in the house of the spirits-- these discernments, these wonders, these Strangenesses of things; si cunta e si ricunta it is told and retold she wrote, 'able to withstand the annunciation Angels come,' you were there in my dream and kissed me on the cheek but if you asked me i will say i don't remember that Closeness even though i have been thinking about it

you always have a choice ♾️🌈 // i'm learning all sorts of fun, unsettling + downright scary things abt my comfort zone(s) [...] 🙃😬⚔️🌷🖤🐺

dear d, it's 9/19. three years ago this day you flew out of the story + into the next. unbelievably i am working with your great love judith-kate on your mythsinger legacy project. i am directly holding space for your memory + your continued Aliveness. i am now telling the stories i learned from you-- the stories that got me thru endless nights, tears, shattering. your words helped me make sense of things that could have destroyed me, before you. it was you on the road that night in devon that gave me courage to tell no-song in front of martin + the school of myth; you who i heard in my head when my heart was beating entirely out of time on the way back home; you who inspired me to do what you did-- fly across the atlantic to england, for Adventure, for Stories. when i found you in 2020 and wept at the way you spoke Straight Truth in your interview the first time i ever beheld you, i knew i had to meet you, to shake your hand, to thank you. i had no idea you had already flown out of this world... but d, i'm as close as i can get to you now. and i wouldn't be giving my gift if you hadn't given yours, so utterly generously, full-heartedly, Bravely. with all of your humor, kindness, fierce + tender Wisdom. thank you for being my personal coyote. thank you for bringing judith-kate into my life. thank you for helping me find the storytelling circle. thank you for all the ways you affirmed + Lived the weaving between the forest + the village, the center + (our favorite place!) the edge. i will be thanking you for the rest of my life, for doing, for Being, the Impossible. your mystery sings Alive + i'm so grateful. LOVE, ALWAYS. 🌟🔥🐺

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