acceptance – audrey di mola – folkloric futurism

embracing self + other: dzieci’s FOOLS MASS begins this wk

it’s december, friends..!!!

and at a moment in which i am working through much forgiveness towards myself for past actions, compassion for myself and others, seeing and being seen, no matter how painful– there is nothing more honest than donning the grody teeth, sooting yourself up, and embodying a fool in dzieci theatre‘s long-running production of FOOLS MASS. it allows you to look at yourself differently, point blank– and at others, the idea of ‘otherness’ and the judgment and repulsion directed towards those in that category– what we feel is grotesque, crazy, abnormal, be it differently abled people, body types and abilities, mental illness, deformities, the homeless, addicts, outcasts.. and the dark or unruly or nontraditional or seemingly shameful parts of our own selves. there’s a place for everyone in fools mass, because there’s a place for everyone in dzieci– and it’s hugely transformative to partake in. please join us this holiday season, SHOWS START THIS WEEK in bklyn, nyc, queens + upstate <3 you literally won’t forget a dzieci performance. i guarantee this! .. did i mention we are performing at st. john the divine??!! #holyshit #dreamcometrue

more info (including many more testimonials/reflections):
http://dziecitheatre.org/the-work/fools-mass/

quick link to 2019 date listing: HERE

“Fools Mass is such a rich exploration of human nature and our spiritual search. There is the constant flow between control and chaos, aloneness and togetherness, creation and destruction, the absurdly mundane and transcendent simplicity. The search for true contact without an intermediary leads us into a true spiritual connection within and between one another. It’s a rich experience worthy of multiple viewings.” ~ Matthew Purdon ~

“By the end of the Fools Mass, I was in love with every character. I no longer saw their teeth, or the dirt on their faces, or their stooped and spastic forms. I saw only human beings in love with the sacred, in connection with spirit. I saw brothers and sisters. I am still in rapture. It was magnificent, and deeply moving. And I can’t stop thinking about it.” ~ Dave Klaus ~

IN OTHER NEWS:

as i am embarking on my 4th move this year and 8th or 9th move since 2015– i’m honored + excited to have been invited to exhibit new work in The 2020 Southeast Queens Biennial: WRITING HOME, which will be on view in two venues: the york college fine arts gallery AND the miller gallery at JCAL, from mid-february through early april 2020. i’ll share more info as we get closer– i always treasure the opportunity to stretch from page into three dimensions, especially on a subject (HOME) that is so deeply pertinent at this moment. molaundo, my old friend from queens council on the arts– thank you for Seeing me <3

“Statistics document the impressive ethnic and cultural diversity of Queens but, for those who live here, numbers appear hollow and rhetorical. What is it like to live/work/play within culture-fluid communities? How do neighbors communicate without a shared native language? How can one remain true to self, family, ethnicity and fit in out there? The 2020 Southeast Queens Biennial invites artists with a significant connection to Queens to visualize these and other questions that address literacy, identity, and environment.”

AND SPEAKING OF ART:

my wonderland of public programs at socrates sculpture park is in hibernation for the winter BUT our OPEN CALL DEADLINE FOR PROJECTS HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DEC 8! and the theme this year is: MAKING MONUMENTS (!!). more info on the socrates annual fellowship HERE.

ALSO; WHY NOT:

we are nearing the one-year anniversary of my first alchemical theatre work, PROVENANCE, which debuted at the plaxall gallery last december. you can watch the piece in its entirety HERE, or if you need a shot of spirit in these early waking hours, open to this DRUM PRAYER…

[ video no longer available ;( ]

it’s also coming to me to work on a new piece:
‘liar + a truth-teller: a performance/discussion on things we don’t like to talk about.’ more on that soon..

it has been a helluva year from start to finish. i’m always posting reflections, vulnerabilities, news + updates from the road on my INSTAGRAM. don’t forget, folks, that we are nearing the END OF A DECADE. what has happened in your life from 2009 until now? what have you created? what have you kept in? who were you then, who are you now? these questions have prompted rapid change in me in the last few months. looking forward to creating where 2020 will take me..

hope to see you out there– all best + happiest holidays to you + yours

XXOO

in praise.

this came through, today:

i am unafraid of that which is my destiny.

i walk, lamp in hand, proudly, infinity symbol emanating from my chest. down these hallways, glistening white, columns and arches, to the places in the chambers of our heart that are not chambers at all.

what could we do if we understood our infinity?

what could we create?

there is no fall.

we were always barefoot in the garden, i know, i feel this when my feet touch grass and i understand. they ask me to write what i know is true, what do i know is true?

mental illness is an illusion.
duality is an illusion.
every spirit is called to initiation that which cannot be cured by doctors visits or prescriptions or suicide. we are here in this incarnation to commune with divinity, as divinity. to return. to place our offering, our brick in the foundation, our fire on the altar. this, as they say, the new city, the new kingdom, rising from the heart of the garden, the garden that is now not just a teeming protected paradise but BOUNDLESS, stretching on all sides, not just oasis but pervasive land of knowledge, justice, divinity, infinitude, love, truth.
love is the highest law, there is no other.
we must learn from teachings, from elders, traditions, but the greatest religion is that which we hold truest to our sacred hearts.
what sets you aflame, what do you understand in the core of you that is immutable? that is what you must dedicate your life to. that is what you will be drawn in return to, over and over and over.
we must look out for each other. we must care for each other. we must not compete. we must commune, share, understand.
as the world becomes increasingly isolated we must make our bodies and spirits the bridge.
we must never stop learning, seeking, but also in conjunction to actualize- to realize what is already there. the alchemical gold had to exist to be transformed, it can function in no other way.
there are many tools and many doors but the one true door is in your heart. the immutable Law, the Instinct, the Animal Soul, the divine archetypal protectors and the New Archetypes we form in the architecture of our spirit.
we learn so that we can cast out further into the truth. not to collapse under the weight or shadow of the masters, YOU ARE MASTER, hear this, YOU ARE MASTER. you take from humanity when you relegate yourself to smallness, smaller than your expansiveness, your infinite inherent worth.
use the tools, use the doors, but do not depend upon them solely- BELIEVE it is in your birthright to commune with divine energies, guides, messengers, spirits, and to recognize and accept your place AMONG THEM not prostrated before them.
interdependent co-arising we say once again, all is co-created every moment, in the spirit, it is not prostration to the altar, you are the altar, tend the fire, realize we are all architects and the time is forever and ever Now.

i wake these hallways as i have done time after time, life after life, aspects and self and whole and integrated. all the resonances you have ever felt can attest to this, it is all one great picture divined by eternal fate, eternal faith.
have FAITH in what you are, brothers and sisters, children, gods and goddesses, messengers, warriors. we are here to guide each other not just to be guided. we are here to strike foundations not just to help build.
every book you take off the shelf echoes inside you, every leaf turned is a veil ecstatically moved aside between chambers in your heart- so to enjoin, so to resolve, so to integrate. in this Kingdom, our Kingdom. everything that you are drawn to is already a part of you, you are not moving towards it, it is moving towards you, you are already standing together, you already have been.

realize that you can take these journeys- without aids, without complicated circumstance, that you can commune in your very home space, in your very moment, in your very joy or sorrow or frustration- these walls are not walls, these doors are not even doors. bursted, out, infinite, expanded.

we will come again and again to you, link and share with us, these teachings are yours as they are ours. we will write the legend of the New Kingdom, together. we will speak plainly. we will heal the people. we will heal ourselves. this is in our destiny to do, in your destiny to do, your personal legend, your truth.

do not slink from your destiny. the call will become louder and louder, old false kingdoms will fall but only so you can realize you are already standing in the New.

many of our brothers and sisters are articulating the call, bless them, bless yourself, continue to share.

we are not from On High to give to you, do not prostrate before us, do not cling to old legends and old truths.
we are beside you co-creating in the infinite present. you are walking with us in the glittering hallway, bursting out with excitement and joy to share, to shine the lamplight in your chest, to return to the people the wisdom that THEY have written, that belongs to THEM, in the kingdom and infinite brotherhood of man, to stand at the podium between columns and arches as you have seen before, this is your birthright, to plunge the depths.
the words are not enough, messenger goddess child, the words are not enough, any who read this. you HAVE been called to be the living word, to make your life the liturgy of the New Kingdom, through every manifestation, every person your hands touch, every heart your heart opens to, heal them, heal you, step into the abyss of the unknown and WALK THE BRIDGE. you have done this, you remember. it is why you love your bridge so much. it is why the worlds feel so fluid, because they are.
you walked out into the Nothing and made it Path. you walked out into the sky and made it Bridge. you remember.
this is what you do in this incarnation, not to long for old incarnations, but to MERGE WITH THEM non dualistically, as ALL SELVES at once, ALL FREEDOMS ignited and enacted.

we are so proud of you, wilderness tabernacle to the truth, righteous fire on the altar to the divinitude of man and woman, animal self reclaimed with exploration and wildness, nature echoing back in protection, teach others to See by Seeing. teach others to Understand by Understanding. lead others to Walk by Walking. but walk Beside them and not in Front. walk With them as i walk With you. and we shall see these coming days already in fruition, in every righteous action resolving inaction, in every fiery force of Love dissolving fear.

we love you as you love yourself as you love us as you love the world as you love the flickering lamp in your hands, you were born with.

go forth, beloved. go forth and stand in the kingdom. you do not even have to build. you are already there.

i came to Live the New Kingdom. with Love.

aho and ashe

sea shanty

20150529_114801

things have been tumultuous.

today, on a whim, i got in a cab and told the driver: “anywhere in coney island.”

in my entire life, i don’t think i’ve ever been to the beach completely alone.

after having so much trouble writing.. relating. feeling. loving. believing.

in the sea, by the sea, as the sea- i was accepted, broken.

and in the space- i wrote.

i.
it is always as if- i am
seeing it for the first time.
i must believe as the first man did
god is in the ocean.
god is in the earth.
i no longer believe in one god.
i do not know of omniscience.
i only remember what healing is
when my feet touch scorching sand
particles glittering in a force
as wild
as i am.
nature is my only echo.
i am part and parcel.
crash of wave in my roiling heart.
murky depths.
unexplainable.
home to everything.
home to nothing.
home- forever changing.
i must have been a sailor.
because i can’t remember
what it’s like to not be in motion.
dwarfed and frightened and
awed by
majesty beyond your
mortal life.
when i arrive here:
I Arrive.
seagull shadow on
pen and paper.
leopard crabshell
discarded on the beach.
i want to walk
straight out into the
water
and never look back.
as hard as i try-
i cannot understand
anything else.
my heart on fire
has cooled
to floods, to this-
giving and taking
away, giving and
taking
away.
my mind which
never lets me
rest now
dissolving to
foam, bubble,
fragments. seabirds.
i know now
even the barnacles,
the ocean moss, the
crusted shells in
cluster-
have a place here.
i, too, would
latch on
and never leave.

ii.
i love
everything about
the ocean.
even, suddenly, things i couldn’t
bear to behold.
here there are no
notifications.
no guilt, no
smashed
hands or
phones.
you cannot force me
to feel.
i, who in these moments
have felt nothing,
now feel
all.
or at least-
the smallest glimmer
from a match-flick
of something.
an ocean whisper-
don’t leave us.
not yet.
we still have
things
to say.

iii.
if i could lead you
into a poem that is
my life
right now it would be
sounds and
only
darkness.
the slightest shrill of
wayfaring birds, the
slightest swing of
contained flame
in the distance
on the end of
an
outstretched arm,
the prow of a ship,
a billowing sail
saying only- i can
do this.
you must try
to move with me
in the dark.
walking will
do you no good here.
nor any knowledge
of four walls.
only sandy stretches
glittering like nebulas
a sky made of
bluing mussel shells
and fading
footprints.
there is no way
to make me see
otherwise-
the worldly things
besides
ankles tangled
with seaweed,
the crash of wave,
the
infinite
motion.
please do not
ask me to
stand still.
please do not beg me
to feel something
when i am curled
inside
these shadows.
only remind me
of the cycles.
the dusk and dawn
of the sea.
remind me that
these waters
in my heart
my head
this poem
are home for all
who have no
other place
to simply be.

iv.
i feel so infinite and
at peace.
like nothing exists
but this.
if i have to, everyday
or every other day or
every friday
i will return to
this ocean.
i feel as out of place
in the world as
a girl with fins
on land.
i am singing my own
sea shanty
in my heart
always.
i told him this morning
my heart feels like
a piece of driftwood
with the ocean crashing
against it.
and now here i am-
standing in the
water.
calmed by the sea
crashing into
me.

v.
this glittering sand
feels like
the most beautiful thing
i have ever seen.
it reminds me what i am a
part of and
what is a part
of me.

20150529_114824

thank you, coney island.

strangers.

my girl, my girl, don’t lie to me. tell me where did you sleep last night? in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don’t ever shine. i would shiver the whole night through.

sometimes i think – i need to disappear into the woods.

hollow out a space for my bones, curled up into a tangle of fur and paws and tears.

even the beasts cry, sometimes.

especially when they don’t want to.

i am not foolish enough to believe that anyone can be what you need them to be.

i remember his mother telling me that, a few heartbreaks ago, from the driver’s seat of her car on the island.

she said it in passing but it predicted the end – of that. of – so many things.

this sad zodiac.. my stars shattered into a bowl, mortar and pestle, feed me my wishes again so i can stay.. alive.

it all comes out in the grinding.

in the working of the words, of the bones, of the promises.

where is the line from acceptance to acceptance? what makes it surrender? what makes it holding your breath?

i am not a guru sitting in the woods, eyes closed, hands folded. sweet smile.

i am the beast in the burrow.

i don’t believe you.

acceptance is not surrender in the usual sense. funny, these guises of words.

all guises. all words held on posts against faces. we promise. and promise. and close our eyes again.

but it’s not important enough, is it? is it.

you have lived this long enough and i am not understanding.

i think i know enough to say – i don’t want to..

maybe i should keep it. myself.

let you remember how the lone howl fits in your throat.

leave you with the cup. the lighter and matchsticks.

i don’t believe you.

even the beasts cry, sometimes.

waiting for another dream.