PROVENANCE 12.18.18

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beautiful friends,

for the past three years, this time leading up to, and through, the winter solstice has been the most difficult. for the first time- i have embraced the darkness. i have embraced the deaths. i have embraced mySelf.

my new theatrical show “PROVENANCE” is my offering to that end. it is the most cherished performance i have conceived and my final act of forgiveness to mySelf, as i close the chapters i have thus lived and begin anew. “PROVENANCE” is the origin story- a retracing of my past- but also- the origin of the new beginning.

it would mean so much to me to share this performance with you– to hear your thoughts as i move into a realm i have never before created in. it is also the 7 year anniversary of my beloved nana’s passing. and in a space- the LIC-A/plaxall gallery- that has helped save my life time and again since 2016 by allowing me the space to create freely in my brokenness.

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“PROVENANCE”
tuesday, december 18, 2018 @ 7:30-9:30pm – $5
LIC-A/plaxall gallery 5-25 46th avenue in LIC

conceived & written by audrey wildfire dimola // featuring steven t. licardi, kymberly nolden, matthew toth, & introducing riley batson

“they say the longing becomes holy eventually
if it doesn’t kill you first”

PROVENANCE is the intersection between the journey to love; the journey to self, which is also to god; and the journey to make peace with the darkness.

part ritual, part poetry, part music, part movement- it is an exploration of the viscerality of want. how it drives us, transforms us. ‘the wanting creature.’ its connections to love, sex, spirit, and mental illness. and how, if we push far enough- this grief-filled longing becomes ecstatic, transcendent, holy- a means for return to true self, a return to god.

https://www.licartists.org/provenance
[FB invite]

ALSO COMING UP:

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if you’re in the hood tonight 12/13/18, i host the first volume of NEIGHBORHOOD MIXTAPE, a new spoken word, music, and comedy show in partnership with the badass folks over at CHATEAU LE WOOF– 6-9pm [more info]

after the winter solstice, on 12/22/18, my BRO dominick hosts the wonderful community we’ve created at the now 1 year old flor de azalea cafe in astoria for “YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD OPEN MIC“, 5-8pm [more info]

AS OUR NEIGHBORHOOD CHANGES /// we must give EXTRA thanks for the supportive business owners and indie organizers who allow us artists and human beings to commune in their spaces. we may not be able to alter the course of drastic changes to come- but we can CONTINUE doing what artists have done for centuries- carve out their spaces to create, wherever and however they can. THANK YOU for being a part of that community.

if you are feeling the cold and darkness, i implore you- instead of resisting it- make friends with it. sit and light a candle and commune. talk to that anxiety, that dread, that emptiness. acknowledge that it’s there instead of trying to push it away, or feel guilty for not ‘enjoying the holidays like everyone else is’ … the winter solstice is an incredibly important time but we have lost touch with the mythology. create your own. and year by year, that legend will live.

if you told me three years ago in these dark days that i would be achieving my dream of mounting my first original theatre show.. who knows if i would’ve believed you. but i guess some part of me did.. because it grew from faintest, dying flicker.. to warmest light.

i am Here for you.

XXOO,

a.

adhesive.

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i am i am i said i’m not myself but i’m not dead & i’m not for sale
hold me closer closer let me go let me be just let me be -STP.

“the pull is visceral. it may also be an act of self-loathing or anger against home or society or even the human condition in which the promise of death shadows us from those first fresh moments of birth.” -scott weiland, ‘not dead & not for sale.’

there comes a time when the pain is too great and you have to make things.

physically- knot them, paint them, scratch them, burn them. scavenge in the street, rip from pages, make a mess. as much of a mess you feel like you are- to create- that.

because- for a person for whom words are everything- sometimes they mean nothing.

and out of this disillusion, disappointment, hurt- something else is born. something in the realm of craft and mystic- synthetic. organic. trash. treasure. dirty hands to remind you you’re still alive and there is still a way to express the infinite bewilderment of that fact.

the only way to truly rail against death is to disappear for awhile- and create something.

//ajd 2.10.16

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“i embrace the day at a time mindset. for me, there’s no other way to live. i’ve got to stay present. i am optimistic. i have to learn to see the beauty in the mundane. i believe this is a key to my spiritual well-being. i have to change my perception and see god’s beauty in everything.”

“the human heart filled with sorrows and gold.”

-scott weiland, ‘not dead & not for sale.’

**works pictured:

. still frame from movement to ‘interstate love song’

. still – collage

. i only have one antler (assemblage to the old life); what are bones for anyway (the stake, & association- ‘dying isn’t the hard part’) [two pieces]

. incomplete initiation [detail]

. breathing is the hardest – collage

. i only have one antler (assemblage to the old life) [detail]

. breathing is the hardest – collage [detail]

. still frame from movement to ‘interstate love song’

. incomplete initiation

. notes from the bottom (this is a cry for help)

**notes to self:

an installation is coming

do everything in the glow of candles and christmas lights

art is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

XO

a.