Author: audrey di mola

sacred troublemaker; wildlight // rest + stay awake [...]

it’s time

to let the first (immersive) version of this wily beast loose.

will you join us?

in 2012 on what would’ve been my nana’s 66th birthday i released my first book, “DECISIONS WE MAKE WHILE WE DREAM.” this year the day after my nana’s birthday and the day before mother’s day, i’ll be doing another first: a site-specific immersive experience called “THE WILD PAPERS.” it’s been a (fittingly) wild ride to this moment – starting off with restlessness & ideas, many talks and emails filled with questions to special friends, a writing/sharing workshop at queens council on the arts and finally an unexpected opportunity from monica montgomery to present at the lewis h. latimer house museum (under their ‪#‎museumanarchy‬ program!) that led to even more talks, idea-spinning, playing and inspiration with some beautiful collaborators i am so damn grateful to have: tyler rivenbark, jacob jeffrey horstmeier & kate vander velden. it’s been challenging, terrifying, humbling, goosebump-inducing & insanely FUN.. can’t wait to see where the road goes from here.

TheWildPapersFlyer
flyer by GiAnna Ligammari // art !

“The Wild Papers” is Audrey Dimola’s latest project and initiative, a series of performances and workshops centered around sparking memories and dreams, diving headfirst into the stories that make up our lives, and rediscovering – and reclaiming – the limitless spark of wildness within us all.

On May 9th, the Latimer House in Flushing, Queens will be home to the very first incarnation of “The Wild Papers” as a performance – a unique, site-specific experience in the house and its grounds, conceived with inventor/poet/draftsman Latimer’s spirit of the unconquerable, of innovation and creativity.

You will be led through a seamless presentation of vignettes of dreams and memories, told through music, dance, poetry, and theatrical elements both specific and universal, playful and haunting. “The Wild Papers” is an exploration of the joy and poignancy of nostalgia, what we bring with us as we go forward, and what makes us who we are.

We are living with an ENDLESS barrage of memories, thoughts, and emotions, especially when it comes to the idea of HOME. Can you ever really go home again? And if you can, what do you find there – in your loved ones, your memories, yourself…?

Conceived by & featuring:
Audrey Dimola
Tyler Rivenbark
Jacob Horstmeier
Kate Vander Velden
with Diana Benigno

Saturday, May 9th – 6pm
at the Lewis H. Latimer House Museum (#museumanarchy!)
BBQ PARTY with veg options after! (forrealz)
Facebook invite is here.

rock & roll with wild on the side
(did i mention there may be ghosts),

XO

a.

simplify.

we’re not our skin of grime, we’re not our dread bleak dusty imageless locomotive, we’re all beautiful golden sunflowers inside… -ginsberg

so! much! is! happening! all good things. i love the busy-ness but i also love just climbing a tree and staying up in it for a half hour.. ha! wanted to check in quickly with beautiful things all abound, thank GOD it seems like we’re finally slinking out of winter!

the magic only stops when you say so

compass project is in full force again, with stickers in queens, NYC, montana, baltimore, korea! and more going out soon.. it excites me to no end to see how much people enjoy them.

trying new things! THE WILD PAPERS which has been a beautiful idea in my head for months is coming to life with the sparks of my closest collaborators and i couldn’t be more pumped – or nervous ;) THE WILD PAPERS is my latest project/initiative which is all about reclaiming wildness, the limitless of childhood, and culling memories and dreams. after initial conception and subsequent inspiration from many conversations and question exchanges with close friends, it had its more public start as the queens lit in action workshop at queens council on the arts i did last month (which was amazing! bouncy balls! compass rings! memories exchanged! laughter! writing! sense triggers! BUBBLES!) to pull memories out of my captive audience ;) in myriad fun and strange ways.. and it will debut as a site-specific performance at the lewis h. latimer house on MAY 9! this is a first for me.. hope to see you there!

in general –

feeling so grateful for my community of artists, firestarters & wordsmiths. it doesn’t matter how many times i get on that stage.. i’m always nervous, jittery, excited. because this is what i live for. and i thank god for every listener, spectator, hand shook, smile shared, spark acknowledged, boundary defied, every electric moment of feeling ALIVE.

i am learning, struggling, spreading wings, dreaming bigger and louder everyday. the ego ROAAAARRRRSSS at me but i keep finding ways to keep it quiet. who wants to hear it complaining of failure when there’s so much fun to be had? ;)

audrey empyre

i just applied to be 2015-2018 queens poet laureate.. this is a dream i’ve had since i first discovered the existence of one and met paolo javier, who was so cool and kind to me, in 2011 or 2012. HERE. WE. GO. i am also finalizing the rundown of “art of poetry,” my very own empyre productions episode on QPTV/queens public television! which is another longtime dream i’ve had.. just goes to show – keep doin’ yo’ thang, keep being yourself – as weird, strange, whimsical as you are – because you never know who’s watching.

i am a rough draft

i am a rough draft inDEED. (thank you so much to handan from LPAC and 44rd for the sick tee! i love my queens/LIC family <3 #roughdraftfest!!)

i’ll leave you with this:

i realize now why there is death and life to all things. snow melting and the earth breathing again. i realize now why i had to keep running. why my last love burned my sense of self to the ground. why i had to learn to dance again in the ash. we never want to let go of anything. but the trust that everything has a purpose is what makes the flowers sleep, knowing they will bloom again. i am sharing myself now in a way i only dreamed was possible. i now know why this sufi saying brings tears to my eyes and a ringing to my insides.. “shatter my heart so a new room can be created for a Limitless Love.” blessed, blessed be.

sprung!

XO

a.

COMIN’ UP:

Featured Reader at debut of LIC Reading Series at LIC Bar 4/14/15 [Facebook]

Hosting the No Bullsh%t Hip Hop Showcase at Hail Hail Bar 4/23/15 [Facebook]

Participating artist in Jeanne Van Heeswijk’s “Public Faculty no. 9” at Queens Museum – May 14-17, 2015 [Website]

THE WILD PAPERS site-specific performance debut at Lewis H. Latimer House (museum anarchy!) – 5/9/15 STAY TUNED!

**JUST ANNOUNCED!** Queens Lit Festival produced by Inspired Word NYC & co – Aug 1 & 2, 11am-5pm at LIC Bar. A grassroots celebration of literary arts plus music, open mic, vendors, ALL QUEENS BASED! I’ll be hosting some of the open mic & reppin’ my Nature of the Muse series (Aug 2nd). [More info]

PS:

when my best friend/writer/artist/revolutionary extraordinaire NICK NEON (who JUST launched his incredible website and is ALSO embarking on an exciting journey for his next feature, ultrableu) came back to the states for xmas, we shot this gorgeous dreamy video for the equally gorgeous and dreamy LISA KURNER. please take a look. this song is so special, for so many reasons. it’s my story too.

NATURE OF THE MUSE – 3/26/15!

natureofthemuse_fixed
Flyer by GiAnna Ligammari // art !

iiiit’s that time again, for one more time this year! as you may or may not know, this show is MY BABY! you can find out more about it HERE, but it’s best to experience the magic & mischief LIVE!

NATURE OF THE MUSE reading & live writing show

Thurs March 26th 7:30-9:30pm
by the FIRE at LIC Bar 45-58 Vernon Blvd
(come thru the bar to the carriage house in the back!)

Five readers will present their previously written works and THEN write LIVE from random prompts written by YOU, the audience!

COME REVEL IN THE UNEXPECTED!

Featuring:
Jennifer Faylor
Richard Jeffrey Newman
Crystal Rivera
Billy Conahan
Armando Chapelliquen

With special musical guests:
Samantha Leon
Providence

NO COVER! BUY A DRINK! WRITE A PROMPT!
MAKE THE WRITERS SWEAT ;)
Hosted & roasted by yours truly, Audrey Dimola
Thanks always to Gus Rodriguez for giving this event a home! <3

RSVP ON FACEBOOK!

ten things

wolf rules for life

ten things i’ve learned, realized, affirmed, and opened my heart to so far in 2015:

1. good love is so damn hard to find. cherish it, work on it, honor it. protect it. keep it interesting and honest. give each other space. love each other wholeheartedly. for exactly as you are.

2. honor the cycles in yourself, your mind, your libido, your emotions, your body. no one can be any ONE way, all the time. or even at an even keel all the time. stop punishing yourself for it.

3. we are of a dual nature. especially women. “women who run with the wolves” is changing my life.

“understanding this dual nature in women sometimes causes men, and even women themselves, to close their eyes and hail heaven for help. the paradox of women’s twin nature is that when one side is more cool in feeling tone, the other side is more hot. when one side is more lingering and rich relationally, the other may be somewhat glacial. often one side is more happy and elastic, while the other has a longing for “i know not what.” one may be sunny, while the other is bittersweet and wistful. these “two-women-who-are-one” are separate but conjoined elements which combine in the psyche in thousands of ways.” (estés)

4. everything will terrify you and overwhelm you. it’s all an experience. take what you can from it.

5. don’t try so hard. stop taking everything so seriously. try new things. if they don’t work out, so what? what’s the alternative – staying in limbo? not for you.

something i wrote in high school..

being comfortable

6. silently honor the moments you are given. take a pause. if you feel overwhelmed, just stop. take a breath. call to mind some things to be grateful for.

7. yoga/body movement makes you feel better. always. give yourself the time to express.

8. taking time to make food instead of ordering it. feeling it with your fingers. burning it.. sometimes ;) it’s all part of it.

9. social media eats your brain. so does multitasking. it’s not a skill, it’s a mind-melter. focus-robber. stop trying to do everything. compartmentalize. leave the notifications alone. if you don’t check/answer your email, the world will not explode. if you miss an opportunity, it wasn’t for you anyway.

10. play video games. laugh. do headstands. roll around on the floor. cuddle. dance to a record player. imagine. veer off the path. come back to the path. no matter what.. all roads lead to home.

mystic truths

may you all acknowledge the wildness & beauty in YOU, at THIS very moment,

XO

a.

come out & PLAY

don't let your heart go cold icicles

every single day is one step closer to spring ;) got some fun stuff coming up for you in MARCH & APRIL!

** Queens Lit in Action! with Audrey Dimola at Queens Council on the Arts 3/6/15 [INFO]

with funding from Poets & Writers, i’ll be using the Queens Council on the Arts “3rd Space” for a new event i conceptualized called QUEENS LIT IN ACTION – it’s a straight-up solo reading PLUS some kind of audience engagement activity (that’s the ACTION! part) like a writing exercise, discussion, presentation, collab, panel, etc. i’m kicking it off with networking, readings from TRAVERSALS & new work, AND writing exercises/discussion involving wildness & nostalgia based on the interdisciplinary show i’m working on right now, THE WILD PAPERS**. please come! & look out for future variations of this event at QCA ;)

poets-writers-logo[1]

** hosting (one of the longest running Queens reading series, my O.G.!!) Boundless Tales Reading Series at Astoria Bookshop 3/12/15 [INFO]

** my Nature of the Muse reading & live writing show returns to the fireside carriage house at LIC Bar! – 3/26/15 readers will present their previously written works and THEN write LIVE from random prompts written by YOU, the audience! did i mention it’s by the FIRE?! [INFO]

** featured Community Poet at the Fringe Verses Open Mic & Poetry presentation at LaGuardia Performing Arts Center for Rough Draft Festival 3/31/15 [INFO]

** NEW SERIES! very excited to be one of the Featured Readers at the DEBUT of the monthly LIC Reading Series in the carriage house at LIC Bar! 4/14/15 [INFO]

** i’m also on a brand new adventure as one of 24 participating local artists in Jeanne Van Heeswijk’s “Public Faculty no. 9” at Queens Museum – May 2015 [INFO]

ALSO…

audrey dimola compass project

COMPASS PROJECT IS BACK!
the guerrilla sticker poetry project i started back in 2012 is on again! look out for ’em & let me know if you want some, especially if you live out of state & want to stick ’em up around YOU! i’ve sent ’em out to jersey, missouri, michigan, canada, south korea & more, and i’m very happy to say they’ll be appearing at MelimeL Digital Art Design‘s 2015 Women Empowerment event next month! more info on the project & tons of fotos are HERE.

& OF COURSE..
“I am on page 60, and am completely blown away! I’m a reader, and writer of poetry too, and I must say, your words have captured some of my deepest emotions in regards to past loves. I feel so connected to your writing… very few can tug at my heart with their words, but you’ve managed to do that… this is a true gift. Moments I feel like I’m reading Neruda, one of my favorite poets. I’m utterly moved. Thank you, TRAVERSALS is truly a precious, one of a kind gift that you generously shared with the world.” -t.m. bella, writer & poet
signed copies of my newest collection of poetry and prose, TRAVERSALS, are available directly from me via PAYPAL, at the Astoria Bookshop & also at Q.E.D.: A Place to Show & Tell in astoria! support yer local biz!

NOT TO MENTION…
QUEENS LIT is ALIVE & KICKIN’ & don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise ;) check out this list of QUEENS LIT RESOURCES for ways to get involved!

we only have this life. this moment. to see through these eyes, feel with these hands, create with this mind, love with this heart. remember – even in the grit, the sorrow, the bewilderment, the ache. this is what we’ve got. it doesn’t have to be perfect. or in the right key. or fit for mass consumption. but as long as it’s yours, and you made it with HEART – you help the collective fire to burn another day.

(thnx forever&ever for adventuring with me)

c’mon let’s go,

XO

a.

**PS: THE WILD PAPERS is going to be my baby for awhile.. it’s a multidisciplinary show/experience involving themes of wildness, nostalgia, childhood, peter pan, wonder, resiliency, etc. it’s something i’ve been wanting to do since the beginning of last year and everything i do is going to tie back to it.. including, hopefully, going on a cross-country tour with my best friend, nick neon, and his forthcoming feature film. DREAMS.

wyvern

PPS: two of my prose pieces were published in WYVERN LIT’s latest issue, “i study your details” and “all i can do now.” YES! seriously, wyvern is amazing. such a wonderful process & editor!

forget me not.

sparkler

i wrote this for someone very dear to me, in remembrance of someone dear to him. their story, her story, hit me hard. the details. realizing yet again that all we have is this moment.. and everything we leave behind. the impressions we make on the people we love – and even people we’ve never met. sometimes a star is just that bright..

this is for sweet alex, with love to her.. and all those we are left staring at the sky, wishing for.

“life is beautiful, go tell everyone”

this is for you, dear beauty
i’ve never met-
because the wildness makes
us all sisters.
the universe doesn’t always
make it easy but
souls still burn
even in absence. sometimes
even brighter..
never contained. only memories.
only purity. only song. only
golden strands & flecks of
blue. you.
this is for you, beauty.
who had things to do
on the other side of silence,
your path redrawn abruptly-
all of us
lighting candles,
watching for your spark
inside the flame.
the last thing he
said to you was a sweet
promise to keep
“until next time” –
now saved
for the clouds..
a thousand candles,
a jazz band
bumpin’ so fine
you can dance
as long &
as joyfully
as you damn well
please.
& that is what we
will do,
beauty.
we will look at your
smile in photos
& post words you
can’t read & title
as-yet-unimagined artworks
after your mexican
standoff eyes in the
19th century drawing
room of your face.
& we will go on.
all the strange &
simple things-
the dusting of snow,
soggy cereal, the
sighs on the other
end of the phone..
we know you’re still
working, out there.
& we must too.
you are part of the
wild now.
the endless whirling in
our heads when we
try to sleep,
where we go
when we get lost
in brushstrokes,
the feeling that
makes us dance &
dance until we cry
from laughter,
from ache..
how lucky are we
to have seen a
shooting star?
some souls have
forever to make a
move & never do.
others streak across
our sky but once
& we can never
ever
forget.
travel well,
beauty.
we’re curling up inside
the space you left
this winter..
the glow of your
remembrance
will keep us warm.

XO

a.

Audrey on NY1 for 2015!

audrey dimola ny1

QUEENS LIT! has been one of the strongest forces in my life.. i feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to come back to NY1 (after my first interview about the Queens Literary Town Hall in 2013) to not only touch on the Queens, NY literary community, but also to discuss my new book, “TRAVERSALS” !!!

if you’d like to learn more about the literary opportunities available in Queens, please check out the list i put together: TINYURL.COM/QUEENSLIT!

it features reading series, writing workshops, discussion groups, publishing opportunities, and so much more – these are the true movers & shakers in the borough and if you want to dive in, share your work, and meet other writers or lit lovers, this is the place to do it!

and of course, if you’d like to find out more about “TRAVERSALS,” all the info is right here.

thank you so much to NY1 and rocco for having me back!

infinitely,

XO

a.

NATURE OF THE MUSE – 1/29/15!

natureofthemuse2015flier
Thank you to Jeanne Marie for the flyer!

Audrey Dimola’s NATURE OF THE MUSE reading & LIVE writing event returns to the fireside carriage house at LIC Bar!

Four readers will present their previously written works and THEN write LIVE from random prompts written by YOU, the audience!

COME REVEL IN THE UNEXPECTED ;D

Thursday, January 29th, 2015 – 7:30-9:30pm
at LIC Bar
45-58 Vernon Blvd, Long Island City, Queens
in the back in the carriage house (go outside through the courtyard!)

Featuring:
Valerie G. Keane
Marc Montfleury
Kevin Marquez
Roya Marsh

With special musical guests:
Jeanne Marie Boes
Geoff Ong

JOIN US! NO COVER! HANG BY THE FIRE! BUY A DRINK! WRITE A PROMPT!

MAKE THE WRITERS SWEATTTTT! ;)

Thanks always to Gus Rodriguez for giving this event a home!

RSVP ON FACEBOOK!

***This event is nuts. And my first baby. The VERY FIRST show I ever curated and hosted on my own, back in 2013. Everyone freaks out beforehand (including me) but then knocks it out of the PARK. It’s a testament to how INSANELY TALENTED my friends & comrades are, and also to what happens when you give yourself over to the unexpected.. At the last Nature of the Muse, my amazing friend and co-collaborator Tyler Rivenbark actually wrote A SONG based on a prompt. In like 5 or so minutes! A SONG!!!! This is what I mean.. You NEVER know what will happen at Nature of the Muse ;) Check out more info and the resulting work from past events: January 2013, April 2013, and January 2014.

grateful for AND’s…

i am so excited to say that the #UseYourAnd campaign has officially LAUNCHED!

useyourand

the Gillette Venus #UseYourAnd global campaign launched yesterday to celebrate the BEAUTY of being OUTSIDE THE BOX. it’s centered around this video, which i am so lucky to be featured in:

Show “or” the door-this is the story of “&”. The story of realizing your true potential. Put an end to the one-dimensional labels that limit your potential. Because you are beautiful AND smart. You can be an astronaut AND a soccer player AND a ballerina. Your life is composed of many ANDs – an empowering sum of all of the things you are, and all you want to be. Venus invites you and women everywhere to take a stand against one-dimensional labels. #UseYourAnd.

there are no words to say how grateful i am to be part of a campaign that hones in on something i believe in SO strongly: being bold and multi-faceted in the face of labels – overcoming all those gatekeepers that are CONSTANTLY trying to hold us back or pin us down. it’s all about making people FEEL something.. and reading the comments from friends and strangers alike is truly heart-stirring. this is what it’s about – reminding each other why we’re here and who we truly are. that there is no box, no cage, no boundary that can contain us. we are limitless. wild AND smart AND bold AND… :)

THANK YOU so much to the entire cast, crew, and production team. i will NEVER forget this experience.

here’s also a fantastic look at the story behind the campaign:

(video no longer available)

You are too beautifully complex for a simple label. Venus is on a mission to put an end to one-dimensional labels that limit your potential. Because you can rock an outfit & the stage. Win the race & the crown. Climb mountains & corporate ladders. You are beauty & brains. Grace & guts. Time to show “or” the door and believe in the power of &.Venus invites women everywhere to take a stand against one-dimensional labels and #UseYourAnd.

i LOVE how i am listed as “poet & optimist”!! and i LOVE how Gillette took steps to find REAL girls with REAL stories.. my soul-sisters in these videos are incredible, and there is nothing more rewarding than to be cast for who you really are. i feel so blessed to be doing one of the things i love most in the world, performing poetry/spoken word, for this campaign.

please share, tweet, like, and of course HASHTAG #UseYourAnd on all forms of social media to share YOUR journey and your limitless qualities, and to help bring this story to other friends and loved ones. it’s our positive revolution, one soul at a time, all across the globe…

so incredible.

see more from Gillette Venus on Facebook, Twitter & YouTube!

infinitely,

XO

a.

* by the way, just in case anyone lands here from elsewhere – gillette venus wrote the fantastic words (not me), then found a real poet to perform it (me!). :)

happy wild new year

you are a warrior

last day of 2014.. this year has given me so much. the first year i really, truly began to LIVE FREE. through loss, through change, through pushing further, through smashing up against walls, crashing through mirrors, feeling the RUSH, the elation of knowing the universe is racing hard alongside you, spurring you onward – yes, yes, YES.

work

i spent last night planning and plotting with my best friend in the whole world. i feel again that everything has a purpose. that the compass in your heart is the only thing worth following. that everything else is noise.

i have found the wildness once more.

this year i performed on stages big and small, released TRAVERSALS to the world, experimented, collaborated, cried, forgot how to cry, burned, moved, ran, shook, curled in the shadows, and burst into the light once again. i’ve been on TV and on the internet, in books and in the trees..

audrey inspired word

tree

but i have learned that what truly matters – is walking the walk. practicing what you preach. remaining a student. learning everyday. staying humble but staying WILD. staying GRATEFUL. pushing harder. patting yourself on the back. trusting your instincts. because you KNOW. you always.. know.

what matters is warmth. transparency. and connection. the REALNESS of the experience that we are all here to dance and struggle and sing to.

there is no going back once you embrace potentiality. the possibility of every moment. the realization that it doesn’t matter anymore what THEY think, what ANYONE thinks, what it looks like from the OUTSIDE. keeping up appearances..

what matters.. is YOU. raw, real YOU.

this is all i am – and all that i can be. rediscovering the WILD WOMAN we somehow lose along the way..

“It is these fleeting tastes which come both through beauty as well as loss, that cause us to become so bereft, so agitated, so longing that we eventually must pursue the wildish nature. Then we leap into the forest or into the desert or into the snow and run hard, our eyes scanning the ground, our hearing sharply tuned, searching under, searching over, searching for a clue, a remnant, a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance. And when we pick up her trail, it is typical of women to ride hard to catch up, to clear off the desk, clear off the relationship, clear out one’s mind, turn to a new page, insist on a break, break the rules, stop the world, for we are not going on without her any longer.”
-Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD

i will keep living. and talking myself into living.. i will keep feeling. i will keep remembering. even when it hurts.. i will separate nostalgia from pain. try hard. make it come alive again. make it all pure. turn it into fuel. because i am a magician.. alchemist. blood and sweat and fire turned to happy tears.

i have always been too loud, too wild, too restless in my thoughts and emotions.

this shining set of wings, they hurt when they broke through but now –

after the unendurable. after the grief..

they belong.

BEST WISHES from my heart to yours for two-thousand-fifteen.

thank you INFINITELY for your love, support & inspiration..

XO

a.

CATCH ME

* In the Winter 2015 issue of Queens Library’s “Enrich Your Life”

audrey dimola queens library

* In Kingston University’s Words, Pauses, Noises

* On NY1 TV talking about TRAVERSALS & Queens lit – watch here!

* In a Local Express feature interview in the Queens Gazette newspaper

* And in a Gillette Venus internet campaign for 2015 – YES! #UseYourAnd!

UPCOMING EVENTS

* Hosting Boundless Tales Reading Series 1/8/15, 7pm [Facebook]

* Featured Reader at Queens Library Main Branch (Jamaica) 1/11/15, 2-4pm [Website]

* Featured Performer at Mike Geffner’s The Inspired Word 5-Year Anniversary Extravaganza 1/17/15, 7pm [Website]

* Hosting & Curating my Nature of the Muse fireside reading & live writing show! 1/29/15, 7:30pm – featuring Marc Montfleury, Roya Marsh, Valerie G. Keane, Kevin Marquez, and special musical guests Jeanne Marie Boes and Geoff Ong. [Facebook]

TRAVERSALS!

My second book was released in November 2014. Get it directly from ME via PayPal or on the shelves of the Astoria Bookshop!

traversals astoria bookshop

So grateful for the amazing feedback.. The journey is everything.

gianna traversals

“I’ve never heard you speak but I heard cracks and cries of voice not unfamiliar, the words came right off the page. And I sat in a dark cafe but the space was illuminated because the pages went by, flames in my hands. You have a powerful rhythm and song to your writing…”
–g. ligammari, artist

“Enjoyed every poem, some of them made me laugh and others made me teary-eyed. This Queens radiant poet is as honest and open as any human can be…” –wendy angulo, CEO/founder of wendy angulo productions, & curator of canvas of words

“Audrey = magic. Every day. Get the book – it’s a stunner.” –anne born, author of a marshmallow on the bus

traversals praise

Get more info about TRAVERSALS, excerpts, and additional reviews!

forgetting.

“to every man his chimera.” -baudelaire

burning-hand 10478114_735356976547373_716682159052866324_n
art by ben cauchi

there is always that one person. the alchemy you created together cannot be undone and you still feel the effects in your bones. the way you did from the start, the way you knew.. you felt it there. in the marrow. and maybe suddenly it makes sense – why you had to meet and destroy each other the way you did.. so that you can draw upon it, the endless wellspring. draw upon it as if it all happened just a moment ago, because as far as this surreality is concerned – it did. you are eternally reignited. eternally present.. the wound scars over but somehow it still bleeds. new blood.

the art above caught my eyes immediately. all i can think of is breton’s nadja – so mystical and dismantling. how it will always be the story of us..

while this town is busy sleeping,
all the noise has died away.
i walk the streets to stop my weeping,
cuz she’ll never change her ways.

don’t fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her.
ah, my heart feels so still as i try to find the will to forget her, somehow.
ooh, i think i’ve forgotten her now.. -jeff buckley

just when i think i’m out from under you
just when i think i’ve stopped the ringing in my ears
i stopped turning around to try and find you
but in that moment –
you appear.
i was bringing flowers to my mother and i watched
the gait of the man before me
the soles of the feet hitting the earth
the dark shine of the hair turning ’round corner
slowly i followed, hanging back, watching
in the darkness and only the streetlights
it was just you and i, apart on the blacktop,
unbeknownst and you began
to sing.
when you were mine you never
sang for me and now you
give your gift
on stages again and sometimes
i wish i could just hole up in the back and watch
but i can’t be that girl anymore
i can’t keep
prying open the locks with bleeding fingers i
can’t keep
taking chances.
somehow in the blindness of that night
i wanted to still that moment
awash in the sentiment of
watching you from the
other side of the glass –
my god, the way you always
make me forget the hurt..
headphones on, your voice echoing
against blank warehouse walls and
bare trees
i don’t remember anything except
the rawness of your beauty which i think is why
you were always so dangerous.
you are a shadow to which i
cannot find the light source
and i keep adjusting my position but
you always find a way to
cast your darkness over me..
you turned slightly, i thought, to see me and i
stopped dead in my tracks like
the animal you made me
caught in the crosshairs
of your eyes again.
always struck in that moment and
arrested, all blood slowed to the pound of
this possibility, the overarching reality like
the belt of a comet cinched too tight on my
universe, i – couldn’t let you see me
i had to say something, i couldn’t
do this to you, i couldn’t do this –
to me.
then you disappeared.
i asked my father, standing outside the house,
the direction i swore you had moved in,
braced myself for the run-in, didn’t you hear
that singing? i said, wide-eyed and heart still
clattering in chest, i could’ve sworn it.
you are more of a ghost than i
could even realize – i still believe in the light
that casts your shadow..
why, when – i know at the core of me that you could
never say yes, you were always telling me
no, goddamn, and no – but somehow i still loved
orbiting you like circling the god made
of marble i could never graze my clumsy
mortal fingers against..
it’s still
poetic in the way i don’t think i will ever be able to
purge from these pages, rub from my hands,
rip and tear from the dirty patchwork of memory lining
the walls of my heart.
i gave these words to the world and i said
fly away, baby. this one’s for you.
and like clockwork, synchronicity strikes
to gut me –
i saw a photo of you yesterday and you had wings.
upturned to the sky,
that stray lock of hair against
your cheek, that
face i stared at night after night
wildness tamed to
bewilderment,
that face
i remember,
i know,
you can only love me
in ruin.
but i am still one for stubborn archaic dreams –
i saw a photo of you yesterday and you had wings..
my god, how
can i still believe in the light that casts your shadow?
why – is it so impossible
to
forget you?

XO

a.

 

strands.

there’s something strange that rides on the edge of disaster.

a kind of hope, in the distance, in the blinders.

in the windshield promise of the open road.

the fact that even in the heartache..

things change.

again – we were in the car, me shotgun, outside my house. impressionable in college, anyway. i let you cut my hair and you butchered it. but you said: “if nothing changes, nothing changes.” your mom, passed on, told you that. and you still wore a few strands of her greyed hair inside your necklace.

i wonder what i would do if i could pull apart what we are – what parts would i take? wear around my neck? crystallize? lift up to the shelf where all of our myriad objects from journeys get left.

i was moving my clothes and your terracotta incense burner shaped like a church fell. and broke.

i wonder.

the heart is not a metaphor, they say.

what about everything else?

there is a strange promise in the artery of heartbreak.

even in the severing, you take comfort in the fact..

you’ll bleed new blood.

it doesn’t mean –

never trust again.

it doesn’t mean –

never love again.

it just means..

there are more mirrors in this house than i expected.

but i realize now how easy it is for you to look past your own reflection.

isn’t it funny, how we all always say –

i thought i knew you?

maybe it’s not even possible – to know.

it’s just whatever strand of light hits the glass first.

XO

a.