last day of 2014.. this year has given me so much. the first year i really, truly began to LIVE FREE. through loss, through change, through pushing further, through smashing up against walls, crashing through mirrors, feeling the RUSH, the elation of knowing the universe is racing hard alongside you, spurring you onward – yes, yes, YES.
i spent last night planning and plotting with my best friend in the whole world. i feel again that everything has a purpose. that the compass in your heart is the only thing worth following. that everything else is noise.
i have found the wildness once more.
this year i performed on stages big and small, released TRAVERSALS to the world, experimented, collaborated, cried, forgot how to cry, burned, moved, ran, shook, curled in the shadows, and burst into the light once again. i’ve been on TV and on the internet, in books and in the trees..
but i have learned that what truly matters – is walking the walk. practicing what you preach. remaining a student. learning everyday. staying humble but staying WILD. staying GRATEFUL. pushing harder. patting yourself on the back. trusting your instincts. because you KNOW. you always.. know.
what matters is warmth. transparency. and connection. the REALNESS of the experience that we are all here to dance and struggle and sing to.
there is no going back once you embrace potentiality. the possibility of every moment. the realization that it doesn’t matter anymore what THEY think, what ANYONE thinks, what it looks like from the OUTSIDE. keeping up appearances..
what matters.. is YOU. raw, real YOU.
this is all i am – and all that i can be. rediscovering the WILD WOMAN we somehow lose along the way..
“It is these fleeting tastes which come both through beauty as well as loss, that cause us to become so bereft, so agitated, so longing that we eventually must pursue the wildish nature. Then we leap into the forest or into the desert or into the snow and run hard, our eyes scanning the ground, our hearing sharply tuned, searching under, searching over, searching for a clue, a remnant, a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance. And when we pick up her trail, it is typical of women to ride hard to catch up, to clear off the desk, clear off the relationship, clear out one’s mind, turn to a new page, insist on a break, break the rules, stop the world, for we are not going on without her any longer.”
-Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD
i will keep living. and talking myself into living.. i will keep feeling. i will keep remembering. even when it hurts.. i will separate nostalgia from pain. try hard. make it come alive again. make it all pure. turn it into fuel. because i am a magician.. alchemist. blood and sweat and fire turned to happy tears.
i have always been too loud, too wild, too restless in my thoughts and emotions.
this shining set of wings, they hurt when they broke through but now –
after the unendurable. after the grief..
BEST WISHES from my heart to yours for two-thousand-fifteen.
thank you INFINITELY for your love, support & inspiration..
* In the Winter 2015 issue of Queens Library’s “Enrich Your Life”
* In Kingston University’s Words, Pauses, Noises
* On NY1 TV talking about TRAVERSALS & Queens lit – watch here!
* In a Local Express feature interview in the Queens Gazette newspaper
* And in a Gillette Venus internet campaign for 2015 – YES! #UseYourAnd!
* Hosting Boundless Tales Reading Series 1/8/15, 7pm [Facebook]
* Featured Reader at Queens Library Main Branch (Jamaica) 1/11/15, 2-4pm [Website]
* Featured Performer at Mike Geffner’s The Inspired Word 5-Year Anniversary Extravaganza 1/17/15, 7pm [Website]
* Hosting & Curating my Nature of the Muse fireside reading & live writing show! 1/29/15, 7:30pm – featuring Marc Montfleury, Roya Marsh, Valerie G. Keane, Kevin Marquez, and special musical guests Jeanne Marie Boes and Geoff Ong. [Facebook]
So grateful for the amazing feedback.. The journey is everything.
“I’ve never heard you speak but I heard cracks and cries of voice not unfamiliar, the words came right off the page. And I sat in a dark cafe but the space was illuminated because the pages went by, flames in my hands. You have a powerful rhythm and song to your writing…”
–g. ligammari, artist
“Enjoyed every poem, some of them made me laugh and others made me teary-eyed. This Queens radiant poet is as honest and open as any human can be…” –wendy angulo, CEO/founder of wendy angulo productions, & curator of canvas of words
“Audrey = magic. Every day. Get the book – it’s a stunner.” –anne born, author of a marshmallow on the bus
Get more info about TRAVERSALS, excerpts, and additional reviews!