there’s something strange that rides on the edge of disaster.
a kind of hope, in the distance, in the blinders.
in the windshield promise of the open road.
the fact that even in the heartache..
things change.
again – we were in the car, me shotgun, outside my house. impressionable in college, anyway. i let you cut my hair and you butchered it. but you said: “if nothing changes, nothing changes.” your mom, passed on, told you that. and you still wore a few strands of her greyed hair inside your necklace.
i wonder what i would do if i could pull apart what we are – what parts would i take? wear around my neck? crystallize? lift up to the shelf where all of our myriad objects from journeys get left.
i was moving my clothes and your terracotta incense burner shaped like a church fell. and broke.
i wonder.
the heart is not a metaphor, they say.
what about everything else?
there is a strange promise in the artery of heartbreak.
even in the severing, you take comfort in the fact..
you’ll bleed new blood.
it doesn’t mean –
never trust again.
it doesn’t mean –
never love again.
it just means..
there are more mirrors in this house than i expected.
but i realize now how easy it is for you to look past your own reflection.
isn’t it funny, how we all always say –
i thought i knew you?
maybe it’s not even possible – to know.
it’s just whatever strand of light hits the glass first.
my girl, my girl, don’t lie to me. tell me where did you sleep last night? in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don’t ever shine. i would shiver the whole night through.
sometimes i think – i need to disappear into the woods.
hollow out a space for my bones, curled up into a tangle of fur and paws and tears.
even the beasts cry, sometimes.
especially when they don’t want to.
i am not foolish enough to believe that anyone can be what you need them to be.
i remember his mother telling me that, a few heartbreaks ago, from the driver’s seat of her car on the island.
she said it in passing but it predicted the end – of that. of – so many things.
this sad zodiac.. my stars shattered into a bowl, mortar and pestle, feed me my wishes again so i can stay.. alive.
it all comes out in the grinding.
in the working of the words, of the bones, of the promises.
where is the line from acceptance to acceptance? what makes it surrender? what makes it holding your breath?
i am not a guru sitting in the woods, eyes closed, hands folded. sweet smile.
i am the beast in the burrow.
i don’t believe you.
acceptance is not surrender in the usual sense. funny, these guises of words.
all guises. all words held on posts against faces. we promise. and promise. and close our eyes again.
but it’s not important enough, is it? is it.
you have lived this long enough and i am not understanding.
i think i know enough to say – i don’t want to..
maybe i should keep it. myself.
let you remember how the lone howl fits in your throat.
leave you with the cup. the lighter and matchsticks.
My second collection of poetry & prose, TRAVERSALS, meets the world.
CLICK HEREto order a signed & dedicated copy directly from me, securely via PayPal (please note you do not need to have a PayPal account).
If you would rather not use PayPal, you can buy an UNSIGNED copy directly from Amazon HERE. OR if you’re in the Astoria, Queens area, you can pick one up from the Astoria Bookshop!
174 pages of original poetry & prose!
if you can’t move, let the breath move.. if you can’t be the ship, be the oar. if you can’t be the oar, be the compass. if you can’t be the compass, be the slightest stirring in the voyager’s heart that told him – i will not waste this day like all the others. if you can’t be the voyager, be the faintest flickering of the arrow magnetized towards whatever is greater – whatever you can see in that last moment, with your eyes widened and the water in your lungs – that suddenly makes you forget how to drown…
“the backbone of this book is a celebration of the knowing + the unknowing in one life + heart. of memories + freedom. a call to those warriors we meet on the paths we take who bring us light. that stranger who becomes a lover who becomes a ghost. the one who leaves an imprint in our desert for the rest of time like the eroding of rock turned river. the ghosts of our past, of ourselves, of promises long broken. and what we choose to do with these ghosts…” -nick neon, film + music video director, screenwriter & creative director @ rollthedicepictures.com
“Audrey Dimola uses words to harness light, and this collection of poetry and prose brings that light to dark places and broken spaces. With her native New York feet, wildchild spirit, and poetic fingertips, the author selflessly cuts open her own scars to reveal that beauty can emerge from pain. Using her writing gift and keen understanding of the human condition, she howls at the light of the moon so that the reader does not drown in darkness. The beauty of the moonlight remains in the reader’s heart and mind long after reading the words.” -maria karaiskos, nyc teacher
From the author: A series of events in my life that began in that Fall of 2011 spurred it on. It was unavoidable. I lost my beautiful firecracker of a Nana and then my longest relationship, left my solid job, and then met the explosive muse who struck the arc of TRAVERSALS. And it went on after that – dazzling highs and startling lows, wildness and bewilderment, adventures with beautiful souls I will never forget. That’s what TRAVERSALS chronicles, what gets left behind and how we honor what we have experienced – the people we’ve loved, lost, suffered with, and let go; the brave hearts in the trenches beside us; the ones that breathe new life into us; the ghosts we are haunted by and the ghosts we become in the lives of others.. At the end of the day TRAVERSALS is really about the resiliency of the human heart – trusting the process, trusting the journey when it comes to life and art.
And if you’re in the NYC area, please join me for the BOOK LAUNCH & PERFORMANCE PARTY at the brand new Q.E.D. venue in Astoria, Queens!
Thursday, November 13th
7:30-9:30pm
at the brand new Q.E.D.: A Place to Show & Tell venue
in Astoria, Queens!
(27-16 23rd Avenue, Astoria-Ditmars Blvd N/Q stop)
Join Queens-born poet/performer/firecracker Audrey Dimola as she celebrates the release of her second collection of poetry & prose, TRAVERSALS. Known for anything but perpetuating the traditional reading format, you can count on an interdisciplinary love-fest, semi-inappropriate jokes, and tales of the triumph of the human spirit.
Talented friends of the poetic, musical, and dancey variety will be on hand to perform and debut special collaborations (and books will be for sale, of course!): Poet/singer Valerie G. Keane, dancer/choreographer Kymberly Nolden, musician/actor/dancer Jacob Horstmeier (with violinist/singer Margaret-Ellen Jeffreys!), poet/musician Marc Montfleury & playwright/musician Tyler Rivenbark combine powers with Audrey herself for an evening both fun and heartfelt.
audrey di mola - folkloric futurism 