happy wild new year

you are a warrior

last day of 2014.. this year has given me so much. the first year i really, truly began to LIVE FREE. through loss, through change, through pushing further, through smashing up against walls, crashing through mirrors, feeling the RUSH, the elation of knowing the universe is racing hard alongside you, spurring you onward – yes, yes, YES.

work

i spent last night planning and plotting with my best friend in the whole world. i feel again that everything has a purpose. that the compass in your heart is the only thing worth following. that everything else is noise.

i have found the wildness once more.

this year i performed on stages big and small, released TRAVERSALS to the world, experimented, collaborated, cried, forgot how to cry, burned, moved, ran, shook, curled in the shadows, and burst into the light once again. i’ve been on TV and on the internet, in books and in the trees..

audrey inspired word

tree

but i have learned that what truly matters – is walking the walk. practicing what you preach. remaining a student. learning everyday. staying humble but staying WILD. staying GRATEFUL. pushing harder. patting yourself on the back. trusting your instincts. because you KNOW. you always.. know.

what matters is warmth. transparency. and connection. the REALNESS of the experience that we are all here to dance and struggle and sing to.

there is no going back once you embrace potentiality. the possibility of every moment. the realization that it doesn’t matter anymore what THEY think, what ANYONE thinks, what it looks like from the OUTSIDE. keeping up appearances..

what matters.. is YOU. raw, real YOU.

this is all i am – and all that i can be. rediscovering the WILD WOMAN we somehow lose along the way..

“It is these fleeting tastes which come both through beauty as well as loss, that cause us to become so bereft, so agitated, so longing that we eventually must pursue the wildish nature. Then we leap into the forest or into the desert or into the snow and run hard, our eyes scanning the ground, our hearing sharply tuned, searching under, searching over, searching for a clue, a remnant, a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance. And when we pick up her trail, it is typical of women to ride hard to catch up, to clear off the desk, clear off the relationship, clear out one’s mind, turn to a new page, insist on a break, break the rules, stop the world, for we are not going on without her any longer.”
-Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD

i will keep living. and talking myself into living.. i will keep feeling. i will keep remembering. even when it hurts.. i will separate nostalgia from pain. try hard. make it come alive again. make it all pure. turn it into fuel. because i am a magician.. alchemist. blood and sweat and fire turned to happy tears.

i have always been too loud, too wild, too restless in my thoughts and emotions.

this shining set of wings, they hurt when they broke through but now –

after the unendurable. after the grief..

they belong.

BEST WISHES from my heart to yours for two-thousand-fifteen.

thank you INFINITELY for your love, support & inspiration..

XO

a.

CATCH ME

* In the Winter 2015 issue of Queens Library’s “Enrich Your Life”

audrey dimola queens library

* In Kingston University’s Words, Pauses, Noises

* On NY1 TV talking about TRAVERSALS & Queens lit – watch here!

* In a Local Express feature interview in the Queens Gazette newspaper

* And in a Gillette Venus internet campaign for 2015 – YES! #UseYourAnd!

UPCOMING EVENTS

* Hosting Boundless Tales Reading Series 1/8/15, 7pm [Facebook]

* Featured Reader at Queens Library Main Branch (Jamaica) 1/11/15, 2-4pm [Website]

* Featured Performer at Mike Geffner’s The Inspired Word 5-Year Anniversary Extravaganza 1/17/15, 7pm [Website]

* Hosting & Curating my Nature of the Muse fireside reading & live writing show! 1/29/15, 7:30pm – featuring Marc Montfleury, Roya Marsh, Valerie G. Keane, Kevin Marquez, and special musical guests Jeanne Marie Boes and Geoff Ong. [Facebook]

TRAVERSALS!

My second book was released in November 2014. Get it directly from ME via PayPal or on the shelves of the Astoria Bookshop!

traversals astoria bookshop

So grateful for the amazing feedback.. The journey is everything.

gianna traversals

“I’ve never heard you speak but I heard cracks and cries of voice not unfamiliar, the words came right off the page. And I sat in a dark cafe but the space was illuminated because the pages went by, flames in my hands. You have a powerful rhythm and song to your writing…”
g. ligammari, artist

“Enjoyed every poem, some of them made me laugh and others made me teary-eyed. This Queens radiant poet is as honest and open as any human can be…” wendy angulo, CEO/founder of wendy angulo productions, & curator of canvas of words

“Audrey = magic. Every day. Get the book – it’s a stunner.” –anne born, author of a marshmallow on the bus

traversals praise

Get more info about TRAVERSALS, excerpts, and additional reviews!

Discovery: it’s whatever you want it to be.

There is so much I want to say about TRAVERSALS, the launch, new adventures and struggles and challenges, but first.. This.

heartwall

Remember the way it was when you were a kid.

I like this concept of the personal essay. I don’t like that my computer is forcing me to use upper-case I’s. But I digress.

I can’t stop dipping back into the past. But with recent readings I feel better about my constant sense of longing. I am at odds.. I am the ennui-obsessed artist constantly stretching fingertips towards the sky. However I also have been so lucky to learn about Eastern philosophies and all of those New Age-y teachings that have thankfully become so much more prevalent now.. BE GRATEFUL. For what you have. Inherently does that mean – don’t REACH?

I feel bad for reaching. Guilt. Something I always tangle with.. How can I be the fully present, open-eyed, grateful yogini while also grappling with the sense of ennui that makes me create? (And get into trouble…) I think I need to accept – they are both part of me. There is no grand transformation that is one day going to occur to make me think and feel the way I’m “supposed to” to live a better, fuller life.

I am a wildchild. That means many things.. That means embracing all parts of myself – the stillness of the forest, the tumble of the river, the CRASH of a waterfall.

I am everything.

oliver

And this is why I cannot stop reaching towards the past. Although I was not exempt from anxieties, fears of mortality, insomnia, boredom, etc etc etc – there was something different. Something us “grown-ups” are always trying to get back.

When you were little – when you wanted to do something, you did it. Even though you had no money of your own and little means besides imagination, household objects, and whatever your parents or loved ones gave you.. I remember. Without training or schooling or funds or qualifications – you just were.

If you wanted to be a photographer, you took pictures. If you wanted to be a dancer, you danced. An acrobat, a writer, a choreographer, a teacher, an explorer, a singer.. There was no knee-jerk reaction to stop yourself and say, waitwaitwait – I can’t be THAT because I am THIS. Or I don’t have enough money, time, resources, influence, on and on. And my personal favorite – who am I to think I can be X, Y, or Z? Who the hell do I think I AM?

Why, would you look at that. Who the hell do I think I am? Whatever I want to be.

innerchild

I feel like the actions we took when we were little are a wonderful compass to follow when it comes to direction for the rest of our lives – because we truly did what we wanted to, without worrying about what anyone else would think. At least I did.

I was Renaissance woman before I even truly knew what the Renaissance was. I was a singer, poet, playwright, director & stage manager, athlete, obstacle course organizer, amusement park builder, adventure leader, teacher, circus coach. Imaginary figure skater. Radio DJ.. I always come back to this because I need to REMEMBER. We all do.

When we are spinning out in life.. Trace your way back to your little self – the being who did whatever gave them JOY. Would your kid self waste time with things they didn’t want to do? Naw. And I’m not talking about quitting your job! Running into the hills! Never paying bills! I’m talking about.. Connecting to your true self, which I think is so pure when you’re a child. Connect to that self, and dream boldly the way you used to. Do what you can, where you are – the way you did when you were a child. A blanket becomes a fort. Your living room becomes the woods. A pile of pillows is the ocean to dive into. Need palm trees for the beach? Draw them, cut them out, and stick them up on the wall. Not good enough? We didn’t even have a second to consider it..

It sounds so rudimentary but with our world constantly beating us up and dumbing us down and distracting us – we FORGET! Ah, God, always – we forget. We clutter ourselves with CONDITIONS, CIRCUMSTANCES, dare I say EXCUSES! But you know what?

It’s okay.

Because just like you changed from a mermaid into a unicorn with the flick of a wrist when you were a kid – you can change your circumstance. The slightest, tiniest efforts – they matter.

Some days – they just suck. You know it. I know it. But infuse your life with that little kid magic.. You haven’t lost it. Even if you have to search down deep in the darkest caverns of your mind..

Your inner child is waiting with a lantern.. and the promise of ADVENTURE.

light

GO!

XO

a.