Tag: words

Every man’s condition is a solution in hieroglyphic to those inquiries he would put. -the always incredible R.W. Emerson

It has been a very strange time for me lately. Let me preface that by saying – National Poetry Month was incredible, insane, wonderful, beautiful. And the days leading up to it, too – so much happened, so many events, performances, new pieces written.. I am grateful, beyond grateful.

But two things just happened that have forced me to put on the brakes. One – my phone got stolen, and two, directly after – I’ve been struggling through one of the worst times being sick I can ever remember. Perspective changers, either way.

This is a case for taking time. For saying STOP. For remembering who is ACTUALLY in control. For feeling that THIS. IS. TOO. MUCH. And realizing that it’s OKAY.

Technological ADD. The noise that doesn’t stop. Your mind split into a thousand places. Notifications. Txts. Emails. Calls. Multiple email accounts. Google chat. Facebook messages. Instagram. Every single way to contact a person, ever. Updating this, updating that. I was a list of to-do’s. Events to run to. Things to promote. I wasn’t taking care of myself. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was endless.

But it doesn’t have to be.

The phone was stolen and because I got so sick I just – didn’t get a new one. I suddenly didn’t want one. I needed to rewire my brain – or at least try to.

“THIS” – the clutter, the documenting instead of living, the constant voices/words/text, the endless notifications, the obsessive checking and updating, the knee-jerk reaction to pull out your phone and monitor something, the conscious/unconscious avoidance of stillness/silence, the zoning out on news feeds for hours, the 100% WASTING of your life and your time – THIS doesn’t matter.

THIS – life, STOPPING, breathing, laying in the sun, enjoying the world without having to update about it or take a picture and send it somewhere, focusing on ONE THING at a time, your family, your friends, your loved ones. Being healthy. Getting your life back on track. Using technology in a more progressive/positive way, controlling IT without it controlling YOU.. THIS matters.

And so I will try to be a better me, for me.

But if you read this, I urge you to take a shot and reexamine the way you’re living. Can you go without a phone for a night? Can you keep your pledge to check Facebook only once a day? Can you be okay with your entire social network not buzzing in your ears for a second? Without being able to be reached in every possible way, at every possible moment?

PLEASE note – in no way do I mean to pass judgment on anyone who lives tethered to their technology or, alternatively, throws it out the window. At the end of the day, in all situations, you have to do what works for YOU, and what you realize on your OWN time, in your OWN way. It’s not going to work or make sense otherwise.

That said – if you feel inclined, just do some experimenting with yourself. If you feel stuck, un-stick it. Try. Just try. You’ll be happy you at least got some movement and perspective out of it. Whatever way we “think” we are – we don’t have to be.

When I was in my early college years I still remember sitting shotgun in my friend’s car one night outside my house as she told me what her mother always used to say: If nothing changes, nothing changes. I can’t let myself forget.

Love and gratitude always for your support

Be well –

XO

a.

Bethesda Terrace in Central Park, on a recent trip this winter

Holding my book in my hands still makes me sentimental sometimes. I am constantly chasing dreams – relentlessly. One after another.

But this is the dream I had since I was a little girl – realized. We’ll be coming up on a year since it was released, soon…

I wanted to share this stanza from the Tenth Elegy in Rilke’s incredible Duino Elegies, which are honestly just too stunning to put into words. I feel like I could read them a thousand times and still come up with something new to strike me.

“Someday, emerging at last from the violent insight,
let me sing out jubilation and praise to assenting angels.
Let not even one of the clearly-struck hammers of my heart
fail to sound because of a slack, a doubtful,
or a broken string. Let my joyfully streaming face
make me more radiant; let my hidden weeping arise
and blossom. How dear you will be to me then, you nights
of anguish. Why didn’t I kneel more deeply to accept you,
inconsolable sisters, and, surrendering, lose myself
in your loosened hair. How we squander our hours of pain.
How we gaze beyond them into the bitter duration
to see if they have an end. Though they are really
our winter-enduring foliage, our dark evergreen,
one season in our inner year–, not only a season
in time–, but are place and settlement, foundation and soil
and home.”

So precious… Happy Tuesday, all.

XO a.

The manifesto: LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Wanted to share this beautiful Hafiz poem with you:

The sky
Is a suspended blue ocean.
The stars are the fish that swim.

The planets are the white whales I sometimes
Hitch a ride
On,

The sun and all light
Have forever fused themselves into my heart
And upon my
Skin.

There is only one rule on this Wild Playground,

Every sign Hafiz has ever seen
Reads the same.

They all say,

“Have fun, my dear; my dear, have fun,
In the Beloved’s divine
Game,

O, in the Beloved’s
Wonderful
Game.”

(translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

XO a.

scribbled into my notebook after the REZ reading series debut –

there is a point in hurting. there is a point in writing, in reading through the moments that still make you ache. in sharing and cracking open, emptying your soul into a warm glass for loved ones and strangers alike to partake. in standing outside alone with the amber lights and the glistening tree branches and the snow blowing directly towards you, into your hair and eyelashes, the heart of you full and stirred into a fervor because in actuality, in real reality- this matters, always has mattered, always will. thank all the gods and the god inside me- for the hurting, the healing, the depth and spectra, the calm and perfect storms inside the WRITTEN WORD.

ajd
3.7.13

(great readings this week – great connections, great feelings

sending all the love back out and around again..)

XO

a.

Thanks to a fellow writer who checked out In Bloom Collective‘s Astoria Art Festival this past fall, I got an intro that led to writing three feature articles for It’s Queens Magazine‘s winter issue! The mag is out now around the ‘hood – the cover is above, snag one if you see it!

I’m really grateful to have had the opportunity to spotlight some of my favorite local people and places, and to dive into some cultural Queens issues that are very close to my heart. You can check them out here on my site:

Gustavo Rodriguez: a true Queens creative

“There’s this terrific untapped potential, particularly in Western Queens,” Gustavo Rodriguez says, perched on a piano bench in a private room of the Gibson Guitar Showroom in NYC, which just so happens to be the former famous Hit Factory recording studio where Michael Jackson recorded Bad and Bruce Springsteen recorded Born in the USA, just to name a few. He runs down the list of neighborhoods – Astoria, Long Island City, Sunnyside, Woodside, Jackson Heights. “Artistically speaking,” he continues, “I think it’s a community that’s underserved, and I’m excited to see little signs of life popping up in the last few years” …

Queens asserts its literary authenticity

Poets, playwrights, novelists, essayists, and scribes of every genre, age, culture, and walk of life are amongst us every day, but unfortunately, with a glaring lack of independent bookstores and a very small handful of reading series and meet-up groups alive and kicking, Queens-based writers seem to remain largely out of touch with each other as well as the local opportunities available to them. Thankfully, though, the eclectic and humble – albeit sometimes too humble – Queens literary community is pushing forward, unconcerned with establishing itself as a trendy scene or comparing itself to Manhattan and Brooklyn, but instead with fostering as much writerly interconnectedness as possible across our widespread borough…

Ten local reasons to brave the winter weather!

We know how easy it is to slip into sweet, sweet hibernation mode when you’re faced with freezing rain, apocalyptic snowfall, or just plain cold – but not this time! Here’s a few fun local reasons to see something besides your laptop, television screen, or apartment walls this winter, and maybe, just maybe, even get a head-start on some new year’s resolutions…

Thanks for taking a look!

XO

I just posted this on my Facebook:

today is the first anniversary of my beloved nana, louise polidoro, leaving this earthly plain and continuing her journey into the infinite.

in some ways, words fail me.. it was the first great physical loss i felt, and it has been staggering. aside from the other huge life changes that were happening at the end of 2011 into 2012, her loss made the world seem completely unfamiliar. a presence so GREAT, so unforgettable, so absolutely BURSTING with life, wit, humor, mischief – she was gone too soon. her number is still in my speed dial.. i probably won’t ever remove it. i cannot, will not, think of her in terms of finality. SHE is infinite. once energy is created it cannot be destroyed. and she still IS – as wonderful and beautiful as she was, but now – healed. whole. freed from the body which limited her. words cannot express how proud i am to have this woman’s blood running through my veins. i miss her every single day, but every time i say that, i hear her in my head: “i’m right here, tootsie.” her colossal spirit will never fade from my memory, or the memory of all those who knew and loved her. she was REAL. spoke her mind, cracked all the jokes, loved beyond her limits, and lit up every room. she possessed the kind of indomitable ZEST FOR LIFE, will to live, that carried her through countless physical hardships and difficult life circumstances. after fighting back from cancer before i was born, the affects of the treatment caused her the pain she lived with for the rest of her life, but she STILL made the most out of her situation in ways that others could only hope to be BRAVE enough to do. and that’s what she always was – BRAVE. the new york spitfire. with her heart of gold and mouth like a sailor. at her memorial one of her friends simply said, after relating an anecdote from her life to me – “the BALLS on this woman.” and that sums it up. she had the COURAGE to live a thousand lifetimes in one all too short life. but the years don’t matter.. it’s what we put INTO them that count. i miss her, i miss her so much. but i know she’s still here, just in a different way. i know she’s beside me, cheering me on, laughing when i get myself into the ridiculous situations i do. there is no end to a spirit like hers – just a progression to another state.. i wish i could hug her again – see that smile, hear that laugh i miss so much. but i will, again. i know i will. dearest dearest nanny, i love you up to the sky, forever and ever. if i can live my life with even HALF of the boldness, humor, courage, and strength with which you lived yours, i’d say i lived a successful life. “you’ll never know, dear, how much i love you..”

see you on the other side.. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

You can read the piece I wrote and read at her memorial last January by clicking here.

 

XO

edit:

This day went from rainy and dark to sun and blue skies.. To a huge rainbow.. To this spectacular sunset.

The thing about signs is that it’s not so much whether or not it’s possible or impossible, a reality or a hopeful imagining.. It’s what you experienced and how it made you feel. Your heart is your compass.. That’s it.

“And I believe that angels breathe, and that love will live on and never leave..”

.. She’s doing okay.

<3

@audreyleopard on Instagram

I posted this on my Facebook yesterday:

i am so disturbed and heartbroken by recent events including today’s shooting in CT.. the energies are changing and will only continue to do so. it is so, so IMPERATIVE that we RISE with the change. give of yourselves. discern with your heart. be BRAVE enough to BELIEVE that there is no sovereign over you. it starts with US. i am praying with all my being that aching hearts are comforted, embraced in the divine energy of that which we all are. this ego, madness, senseless violence, hatred – this is not us. this is the time, brothers and sisters. become who you are meant to be.

Sending prayers and so much love.. There are no words.

Just.. Be love. And write more love letters (thank you Catherine).

Here is a Henry Miller quote from an article another friend of mine posted today:

“The art of living is based on rhythm – on give and take, ebb and flow, light and dark, life and death. By acceptance of all aspects of life, good and bad, right and wrong, yours and mine, the static, defensive life, which is what most people are cursed with, is converted into a dance, ‘the dance of life,’ metamorphosis. One can dance to sorrow or to joy; one can even dance abstractly. … But the point is that, by the mere act of dancing, the elements which compose it are transformed; the dance is an end in itself, just like life. The acceptance of the situation, any situation, brings about a flow, a rhythmic impulse towards self-expression. To relax is, of course, the first thing a dancer has to learn. It is also the first thing a patient has to learn when he confronts the analyst. It is the first thing any one has to learn in order to live. It is extremely difficult, because it means surrender, full surrender. […] Life, as we all know, is conflict, and man, being part of life, is himself an expression of conflict. If he recognizes the fact and accepts it, he is apt, despite the conflict, to know peace and to enjoy it. But to arrive at this end, which is only a beginning (for we haven’t begun to live yet!), a man has got to learn the doctrine of acceptance, that is, of unconditional surrender, which is love.”

Perfect.

@audreyleopard on Instagram

My children
I listen
I listen
To your 138 tongues speak
And call me your home
– Bob McNeil (excerpt), in Newtown Literary

Just now I finished my article for a local magazine on the literary community in Queens. I feel so happy to have been a part of Newtown Literary Journal‘s launch party last night – Waltz-Astoria was packed and every person I interviewed for the article ended up in the same place. Something is happening if we give ourselves a chance, stay connected, support each other, and most importantly – SUBMIT! WRITE! READ! and COME OUT! to the series in the borough right now. I am happy to know all of you and excited to read (and help to write) the next chapter in our story.

Speaking of the next chapter, I am also so happy to have been recognized for my work by Queens Council on the Arts, and I will be participating in the Spring 2013 Peer Leadership Circle for Queens literary artists.

Gratitude and more gratitude.

I’ll leave you with my mom’s favorite prayer:

Lead me from the unreal to the real,
From darkness to light,
From mortality to immortality.
Om. Shanti Shanti Shanti.

XO

photo via @jeannemarieboes on Instagram

So as you may or may not know (but I hope you do know!), I self-published my first book of original poetry and prose this past May, on what would have been my beautiful Nana’s 66th birthday.

It’s called “DECISIONS WE MAKE WHILE WE DREAM.”

If you’re interested in getting a copy or have been meaning to get a copy, please please place an order now! This is the last printing I’m going to be doing for awhile since I’m starting work on my second book, “Traversals.”

I pay for every copy out of my pocket and ship them all myself, so every dollar goes to print more copies and will go to the printing of the next book.

THANK YOU all endlessly for your support of one of my most cherished dreams.

Go here to order!

And if you enjoyed what you read, please pass it on to a lit-loving friend. :)

XO