Nana: For Always

I just posted this on my Facebook:

today is the first anniversary of my beloved nana, louise polidoro, leaving this earthly plain and continuing her journey into the infinite.

in some ways, words fail me.. it was the first great physical loss i felt, and it has been staggering. aside from the other huge life changes that were happening at the end of 2011 into 2012, her loss made the world seem completely unfamiliar. a presence so GREAT, so unforgettable, so absolutely BURSTING with life, wit, humor, mischief – she was gone too soon. her number is still in my speed dial.. i probably won’t ever remove it. i cannot, will not, think of her in terms of finality. SHE is infinite. once energy is created it cannot be destroyed. and she still IS – as wonderful and beautiful as she was, but now – healed. whole. freed from the body which limited her. words cannot express how proud i am to have this woman’s blood running through my veins. i miss her every single day, but every time i say that, i hear her in my head: “i’m right here, tootsie.” her colossal spirit will never fade from my memory, or the memory of all those who knew and loved her. she was REAL. spoke her mind, cracked all the jokes, loved beyond her limits, and lit up every room. she possessed the kind of indomitable ZEST FOR LIFE, will to live, that carried her through countless physical hardships and difficult life circumstances. after fighting back from cancer before i was born, the affects of the treatment caused her the pain she lived with for the rest of her life, but she STILL made the most out of her situation in ways that others could only hope to be BRAVE enough to do. and that’s what she always was – BRAVE. the new york spitfire. with her heart of gold and mouth like a sailor. at her memorial one of her friends simply said, after relating an anecdote from her life to me – “the BALLS on this woman.” and that sums it up. she had the COURAGE to live a thousand lifetimes in one all too short life. but the years don’t matter.. it’s what we put INTO them that count. i miss her, i miss her so much. but i know she’s still here, just in a different way. i know she’s beside me, cheering me on, laughing when i get myself into the ridiculous situations i do. there is no end to a spirit like hers – just a progression to another state.. i wish i could hug her again – see that smile, hear that laugh i miss so much. but i will, again. i know i will. dearest dearest nanny, i love you up to the sky, forever and ever. if i can live my life with even HALF of the boldness, humor, courage, and strength with which you lived yours, i’d say i lived a successful life. “you’ll never know, dear, how much i love you..”

see you on the other side.. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

You can read the piece I wrote and read at her memorial last January by clicking here.

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XO

edit:

This day went from rainy and dark to sun and blue skies.. To a huge rainbow.. To this spectacular sunset.

The thing about signs is that it’s not so much whether or not it’s possible or impossible, a reality or a hopeful imagining.. It’s what you experienced and how it made you feel. Your heart is your compass.. That’s it.

“And I believe that angels breathe, and that love will live on and never leave..”

.. She’s doing okay.

<3

Author: audrey dimola

MY NAME IS AUDREY AND I AM A WILDFIRE. // My work catches flame at the intersections of multidisciplinary art, ceremony and ritual, community and connection, improvisation and radical vulnerability. I am a Queens, NYC born-and-raised poetic alchemist, performer, curator, and sacred space-holder; author of 3 poetry and prose collections; Director of Public Programs at Socrates Sculpture Park; and creator of original event experiences such as Nature of the Muse, Church of the Sacred Body, and How We Create & How We Cope: Intersections of Art & Mental Illness.

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