Something for me

Every man’s condition is a solution in hieroglyphic to those inquiries he would put. -the always incredible R.W. Emerson

It has been a very strange time for me lately. Let me preface that by saying – National Poetry Month was incredible, insane, wonderful, beautiful. And the days leading up to it, too – so much happened, so many events, performances, new pieces written.. I am grateful, beyond grateful.

But two things just happened that have forced me to put on the brakes. One – my phone got stolen, and two, directly after – I’ve been struggling through one of the worst times being sick I can ever remember. Perspective changers, either way.

This is a case for taking time. For saying STOP. For remembering who is ACTUALLY in control. For feeling that THIS. IS. TOO. MUCH. And realizing that it’s OKAY.

Technological ADD. The noise that doesn’t stop. Your mind split into a thousand places. Notifications. Txts. Emails. Calls. Multiple email accounts. Google chat. Facebook messages. Instagram. Every single way to contact a person, ever. Updating this, updating that. I was a list of to-do’s. Events to run to. Things to promote. I wasn’t taking care of myself. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was endless.

But it doesn’t have to be.

The phone was stolen and because I got so sick I just – didn’t get a new one. I suddenly didn’t want one. I needed to rewire my brain – or at least try to.

“THIS” – the clutter, the documenting instead of living, the constant voices/words/text, the endless notifications, the obsessive checking and updating, the knee-jerk reaction to pull out your phone and monitor something, the conscious/unconscious avoidance of stillness/silence, the zoning out on news feeds for hours, the 100% WASTING of your life and your time – THIS doesn’t matter.

THIS – life, STOPPING, breathing, laying in the sun, enjoying the world without having to update about it or take a picture and send it somewhere, focusing on ONE THING at a time, your family, your friends, your loved ones. Being healthy. Getting your life back on track. Using technology in a more progressive/positive way, controlling IT without it controlling YOU.. THIS matters.

And so I will try to be a better me, for me.

But if you read this, I urge you to take a shot and reexamine the way you’re living. Can you go without a phone for a night? Can you keep your pledge to check Facebook only once a day? Can you be okay with your entire social network not buzzing in your ears for a second? Without being able to be reached in every possible way, at every possible moment?

PLEASE note – in no way do I mean to pass judgment on anyone who lives tethered to their technology or, alternatively, throws it out the window. At the end of the day, in all situations, you have to do what works for YOU, and what you realize on your OWN time, in your OWN way. It’s not going to work or make sense otherwise.

That said – if you feel inclined, just do some experimenting with yourself. If you feel stuck, un-stick it. Try. Just try. You’ll be happy you at least got some movement and perspective out of it. Whatever way we “think” we are – we don’t have to be.

When I was in my early college years I still remember sitting shotgun in my friend’s car one night outside my house as she told me what her mother always used to say: If nothing changes, nothing changes. I can’t let myself forget.

Love and gratitude always for your support

Be well –

XO

a.

Author: audrey dimola

MY NAME IS AUDREY AND I AM A WILDFIRE. // My work catches flame at the intersections of multidisciplinary art, ceremony and ritual, community and connection, improvisation and radical vulnerability. I am a Queens, NYC born-and-raised poetic alchemist, performer, curator, and sacred space-holder; author of 3 poetry and prose collections; Director of Public Programs at Socrates Sculpture Park; and creator of original event experiences such as Nature of the Muse, Church of the Sacred Body, and How We Create & How We Cope: Intersections of Art & Mental Illness.

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