out with the old

published in my 2nd book, TRAVERSALS

sometimes when i sit alone
flipping through these pages,
tracing circles on the floor,
the melodies come back to me
jagged like ice hanging precariously
from the
walls of my memory,
ready to DROP
ready to puncture
what it’s taken me so long to
sew up – just LOOK AT ME.
i’m so tired of
needle and threading
pricking fingers
in the aim
of forgetting
that every
goddamn move i make
tries to choke my pain before it wakes but
how long will it take to learn –
that even the shortest leash
won’t stop me from howling
in the middle of the night?
yes, every night i can –
i get drunk on love and
amnesiac
so starry-eyed
i think i hear
my return in the distance..
suddenly –
it’s like someone
turned up this
dripdripdrip
of hope
back into my veins –
and there’s heat
in my old bones in ways
that make me nervous..
it’s winter again but
all these swirling strands inside that make me
what i am
are coiled up tight and SPRUNG –
like a fire hydrant cracked open,
shining in the summer sun
i know something is HAPPENING
wild with inconsequence
and i want to
take – my – time..
but frenetic fingers are
filling my wounds again
blooms spilling brightly
from the split, and
every lick of your fire – so perfect,
transfigures
my broken body,
makes me
holy and whole –
and my words are rushing
boiling hotter, holding tight
to
beg you please –
i could
tell you
so many things, god
i could
promise you
so many things but i
think i just need to breathe
and say i
thank you..
give me your hand –
here is the key to your room
where you can live inside my head..
just turn down the corner,
go up the stairs,
open the window so i can hear
the radio sing
that old sweet song
i know your heart is
singing me –
darlin’ you – send me.
i know you – send me.
darlin’ you – send me..
honest, you do.

*ending lyrics of course by sam cooke, “you send me”