for my firecracker

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one of the proudest moments of my life was eulogizing my beloved nana, standing beside my beautiful mother to honor her, and hearing from the family that i had captured her personality and spirit.. i wanted to point to this piece again- a life of love and laughter– today/tonight, what is now 40 minutes into her birthday on the eighth of may. and also 5 years to the day since i published my first book, decisions we make while we dream, purposely on her birthday.

a lot of my work is about writing your legend.. and this is the story, the LEGEND i will never stop telling. the fire that i have added to mine now, that helps to make mine brighter every day.

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you used to tell me- when you were born, my life began. i feel so lucky to still have this special affinity with you, sometimes even difficult for me to describe. i wish so much i got the chance to know you in the physical world as an adult- to have the choice to come visit you more often, take care of you like i said i would. ask you all the questions about the things that have happened to you, so similar to the things that have happened to me. you were taken from me far too soon. but i know i must be grateful to have known you for the 25 years i did, because there was a very good chance we could’ve missed each other.. yet we didn’t. some kind of cosmic force links us together, in the ways i know time and physical distance can never separate. the striking and simple ways you still reveal yourself to me- in cards i find, in rainbows after rain, hearts in the clouds, strong winds. i know you are behind me. i know you make me who i am. and on this day i am crying while i write this but i am so happy you were born- to live so fiercely, so brightly- to have burned an indelible mark into the world you were so briefly a part of. the way you lit up every room- your heart of gold, your mouth like a sailor!- how everyone fell in love with you. how you were so kind, so generous, so fiery, so flawed. i think of legacy and i think of you- this is how i would want to be remembered. the way i remember you, the way we all do- like the photo of you i have on my shelf- you laughing, so sassy in a low-cut tank top, with a sparkler blazing in your hand. you, always finding ways to laugh amidst the sometimes horrific cards fate dealt you. your HEART, wanting to fight to stay here longer than you were meant to. today and always, my forever beloved- you live in me, you live in all of us. you give me strength to live a thousand lives, to believe in starting over, in falling in love again. having faith and giving, being good to people, committing to living wildly and genuinely, fighting for what i want. and of course you give me strength, always, to laugh. i miss you every damn day and it never gets easier. I LOVE YOU UP TO THE SKY. happy birthday, my beautiful, beautiful NANA. you are my heart, forever and always.

never stop speaking the names of those you love! tell their stories, share their legends.

and if you see this, send out a big spark of gratitude to all the firecrackers in your life- we burn because they show us how.

XO

a.

Author: audrey dimola

MY NAME IS AUDREY AND I AM A WILDFIRE. // My work catches flame at the intersections of multidisciplinary art, ceremony and ritual, community and connection, improvisation and radical vulnerability. I am a Queens, NYC born-and-raised poetic alchemist, performer, curator, and sacred space-holder; author of 3 poetry and prose collections; Director of Public Programs at Socrates Sculpture Park; and creator of original event experiences such as Nature of the Muse, Church of the Sacred Body, and How We Create & How We Cope: Intersections of Art & Mental Illness.

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