four pieces

This poem, ‘four pieces,’ was published in Vol. II, Issue 04 of Ins&Outs Magazine in May 2009.

four pieces

brother
still learning
i worry about you.
you’re tied to me on a thinning string –
i know you grow so weary of the world
you can feel your immortality.
you traverse the streets at night
in your thoughts you wander, too –
but you’re a step ahead of me
because i’m too afraid to leave my head.

sister
such a pure soul
loving wholly, truly
clinging too tight.
stay little –
i only wish i could control my temper
(sometimes it’s hard to know what to say).
you’re afraid, but just like i am
your anxieties always get to you
but i hope they don’t keep you from sleeping
like mine still do.

father
restless spirit
i wish you could believe.
you fight tirelessly against everyone,
against yourself.
take those hands that mend the world
and know how much they are needed –
i wish i could alter your alchemy
to free you from your own mind.

mother
beautiful mother
walking paths i hope to follow –
the light that illuminates your spirit
colors the soul in me too.
undeserving shackles and clipped wings
cannot subvert your hunger for knowledge
you know the things in books before you read them
– you always do.
your calls for inexistence – an end to this – pain me
because no one shines with the light of god like you do.
see yourself the way i see you
because even when you are gone
i will wander endlessly to find you, wherever you are.

the self
my self
the heart in me is clenched –
a volatile soul
watching for the prism of light
splitting through the cracks in the darkness.
intuitions spark
and only confirm what is already inherent –
i only wish i could be the being
i know we all have the potential to become.

four pieces
of this heart to push and pull –
it’s been so long, this back and forth
my spirit almost cannot know another way.
chaos and normalcy walk hand in hand
in this house so weighted by its energy
i cannot leave any piece behind –
or bear to be the one that is left.
all those years ago i was the little girl
just wishing for the pieces to fit.
but through time’s graying lens
it seems i simply want
each piece to find their own peace.